272: An antithesis of what Love and Hate can do

First and foremost, I really had to delay posting my real post because it feels so insensitive on my part to check how my January went by when we are still mourning of the injustice of how our fallen heroes were massacred. It seems my rants were so small and insignificant, that I have no right whatsoever to rant when I should be grateful for what I have.

The past few weeks had been a roller coaster for our nation. Two weeks ago we celebrated Love, Mercy, and Compassion while Pope Francis was here. We were a nation united by Love then. We have united ourselves through Christ's Love. During that time, we witnessed a leader who had braved the storm to comfort, and to show solidarity. We have witness an embrace, tears of joy, laughter, humility, and most of all Love. We rejoiced.

A week after, we were terrorized: We saw massacre. We witness hate, tears, wives being widowed, fatherless children weeping, and heard of lies, of doubts, of different stories. In all of this, we saw what a man can do to another man who knew nothing of Love.

A juxtaposition of week. An antithesis of what Love and Hate can do. A leader's love to comfort. A leader's hate to massacre.

Rest in Peace to our fallen heroes. You are never a number, you will never be forgotten.

260: Note to Self

If there's anything that I have learned is that we cannot depend our happiness towards others. We cannot depend our happiness to our partners, to our parents, to our friends, to people who's currently with us at the moment, because the thing is, all of them will eventually leave. They will go on their own life, they'd move on to another chapter that may not include us already. If we find happiness, and completeness with their presence, imagine how broken we are when they have left.

63: "What a shame"

What a shame.

I could not help but say this to myself when I ended up scrolling my friend's Goodreads profile. Actually I was not pertaining to her but I was implying that to myself. Recently, I had been indulging in more of an erotica book. It's embarrassing that I take pleasure in reading it.

Actually, I got hooked in reading Kate Pearce Simply series without meaning to. I've bumped into her 1st book Simply Sexual by accident. Just because I need a diversion I thought of giving it a chance. For all I know after reading that book I ended up picking book 2, book 3, book 4, up until now I'm reading book 6 of the series. I got hooked that I ended up delaying my reading on other books.

I'm an open-minded, liberal, non-squemish person so though the book was not for faint hearted, I did not have a problem getting into it. By means some of the book in the series already falls under sadomasochist category, I still continued on.

What compels me about the story is its treading to the darker shade of sexuality. I have read books that treaded into soft porn but this book is just way beyond of my boundaries. The books' recipe has romance but encasing the deep sexual activities in further chapters. Sex plays a huge part in the story where as the plot actually is just a cover.

I have muttered "What a shame" when I realized that as of late, I have gotten more more into this kind of book. It mortifies me when I realized what kind of reader I am. I am not embarrassed that I love romance/historical-romance book. But books that falls under erotica to sadomasochist book ~ however ~ makes me feel that I am becoming perverted and (a little) ~ shallow ~.

*shudders*

But at least I've got my wake up and realized that I should get back to reading books that has substance.

*palm face*

51: Jealous of the passion

Ben Starr

Whenever I watch Masterchef, it never fails to make me feel so jealous of the passion that the contests have for cooking. During the audition day I witness how others have groveled to get into the top 30 just because they know that this is what they are born to do. Even the ones that did not even pass the audition made me feel jealous because they know what they want and wasn't just able to reach the judges' standard.

I want the same passion as these contest have; the kind of passion that drove them to fight and prove that cooking is what makes them.

There was a particular contest who said something that poked right through me and it's Ben Star (was it Stark?). I was maimed when he said that "This (cooking) is what I want to do for the rest of my life". It wounded me because it made me conscious of the fact that simple statement is something I have never said in my entire life and something that I have to say yet in the future. But though it had poked right through me, it did not leave me disabled but rather determined to be able to say the same thing with my utmost sincerity.

I figured that I have to do something, I have to find my niche ... find where my passion lies. If it takes me a lifetime to search for it then by God I'll do it. I am passionate. I have it in me I just need to open my eyes and see it.

Signed,
Me.

40: Things change.

I realized that I am a grown person now. I am no longer the Leah that everybody knows back when I was a kid.

... I wouldn't deny that my environment had shaped me.

... I have learned the importance of little things.

... I have become wiser.

and yes, I am ambitious.

Nothing is going to stop me.