41: a Battle of Outcry

There are few things that I have come to realize.

1. Yes I am changing, blossoming.
2. I am growing -- maturely. 
3. I want new things.
4. I have strengthen my goals.
5. I don't need distractions.
6. I have acquired moral values. 
7. I rationalize rather than be dictated by my emotions.
8. I have taken my standard in a higher notch. 

These realizations came to me, when one day, out of sudden I feel inspired to emerge as a new person. Some of my friends had noticed how I changed dramatically. In my opinion, everything change. We cannot be the same as who we were 10 - 20 years ago. 

When I was in college, I have learned how to be sensitive. My school had honed me to be a morally upright person. To be a solution. To think according to my conscience and spiritual values. To grow better.

Some people I know were surprised with how I changed. But I think there's nothing wrong in aspiring to become a better person. Yes I want to emerge and become a woman. I want to succeed, to become someone. I want to stand out.

So yes, I am changing. It's a battle of outcry of conservatism and liberalism, all deep inside me. 

Watch me emerge.

40: Things change.

I realized that I am a grown person now. I am no longer the Leah that everybody knows back when I was a kid.

... I wouldn't deny that my environment had shaped me.

... I have learned the importance of little things.

... I have become wiser.

and yes, I am ambitious.

Nothing is going to stop me.

39: Picture: Away

Taken from Google.

38: a Taste of Drifting Away

I found myself staring at my journal for almost a minute or two. I know I would be writing something about how my day went. Though there are a lot of things that has happened, I realized that I found myself not being able to write a single word.

Well I did, write a few words but in the end, those words turned into a scratch.

A scratch.

Scratch.

Scratch.

If I remember it clearly one of my professors in writing told me that there are those people that when they start working, they drift off to their passions and become a slave of their work. Their life revolves around eating, working, having fun with friends, and sleeping. He had noticed this when his daughter who had a passion for writing had started working.

I remember that when I realized that I no longer don't know what to write about. Why suddenly writing becomes a responsibility that I need to fill rather than a hobby. I looked back at my past entries only to realize that my writings were mostly .... nonsensical and non-reflective.

They say that when people lived the real life, they had little time for sentimental things. They drift away towards ... the world of apoplexy.

37: Picture: Batman and Batgirl

36: Birthday blue.

By any means, I want to write how my birthday went. My birthday was not out of extraordinary but it was rather celebrated with simplicity. The morning went with greetings from my colleagues; 2 boxes of pizza; and surprisingly a banana cake was included.

Then afternoon came with a surprise that made my birthday complete. I woke up with a message from my friend sharing me that information. That news was the highlight of my birthday.

Anyhow, to say, I'm not really the birthday kind of person. I am thankful, but I don't fuss that much about it. I think a simple prayer with a simple gathering (preferably with family) was the only thing that I need. I hate crowds. I just want to be alone with my prayers.

But of course, I know ... a celebration is at hand.

sigh.

35: Inspiration: Photo: Puppy Love

Dogs are one of the perfect life partners.

Source

34: Earl Grey, thanks!

I can't sleep. I. CAN'T. SLEEP.

I can't sleep because I had consumed a venti size Earl Grey tea and I think the caffeine is working its way on my system. I should have not ordered a size such as that. I guess it's time for me to suffer my consequences. :(

Since I want to lose all of the caffeine in my blood stream, I had been drinking a lot of water. How I hope, I'll get them off the soonest. I have to sleep.

Today, I had the chance to meet up with my highschool friends. I had so much fun being with them.

~ sigh ~

33: Inspiration: Picture: Reflection

The reflection.
taken by moi

32: Inspiration: Quote : Fear is not Endearing

Fear is not endearing 

- Nigel Barker

Source

31: Magical Views

There's always something so strangely magical in staring outside the window as I travel down the road.

I stared outside the window, looking at the passing view. Every views I see doesn't last long but the soothing message it gives me lasts forever. The thoughts that passes on my mind as I watch them pass me takes me to greater heights.

An infinitive imagination, a spark of inspiration ...

Then it ends when the car that I am on in, slowly slows down and tells me that the journey is over. But until then, I know what a spectacular journey I had taken and what I took with me.


This could have been a great musical background

30: The Box

I always find myself wondering about my life and exactly where I want it to be. Don't get me wrong, I know what direction I should take. I know what I wanted to be and where I want to be in the next few years; but I don't know what circumstances that life would do to take me or perhaps tempt me to take different way.

But I pray that I wouldn't be derailed from my plans. I hope I'll get to where I really wanted to be. I am hoping that God will guide me and would lead me to a better life. I am positive that He would, if I just keep doing what He wanted me to do: Pay everyone with kindness.

And in doing so, I just need to be patient because everything will come on time. I know and I am sure of it. For now, I will just wonder what He stored for me.

29: Losing grip

Somehow, there's something that's really bothering me today ... and it's what I have to pay for. If you want to know what I have to pay for, I have to pay for what my father have failed to noticed.

He lent me a credit card without checking it's expiry date. He didn't know that it's about to expire until we received the letter. So there's no chance for us not to pay for the renewal charges it because it was an automatic charge since we have a pending debt.

Now, instead of only paying 2000+ I have to pay extra 3,000+ for the renewal.

What a pain in the fucking rear.

28: Hello future husband

Dear Future Husband,

By the moment that you have read this, I am thinking of how our future morning looks like. I imagine me whispering "I love you" while you sleep  -- hoping that my voice would reach within your dream. I imagine waking you up with a kiss and then eating scrambled eggs, and over toasted French toast on the bed with us giggling over nothings.

By the this moment, I want you to know that I am smiling because I know somehow probably you're wondering too.

Love,
Your future wife.

27: Lessons from The King's Speech

First and foremost, I want to congratulate The King's Speech as they bagged the Oscars. Second, to Colin Firth ... my crush of the moment. hahaha! Anyway there's a lot to learn in this movie: Humility, courage, loyalty, and trust. I like what I had seen in the movie and what it had taught me. King George VI's courage was sublimely inspiring because though he had a trouble speaking, it never became a hindrance for him to take the position of a King. He may have doubts and felt uncertain in taking the position, but he regarded his responsibility higher than his fear.

Queen Elizabeth's love and faith was also inspiring. She stood beside him and helped him throughout his ordeals. If not for her unwavering faith that his stuttering can be cured, he wouldn't be healed.

Lionel Logue's perseverance and trust in him is evident the moment King George took a step in his office. I also like how he did not back down and became too accommodating because he is King George. He took his stand and laid down his rules. I like that he was not intimidated but rather treated the King as his equal. He may not be qualified as a true Speech Therapist but his love towards helping was enough to qualify him.

The way Lionel had treated King George made King George subconsciously trust him. Thus, the reason why King George does not stutter that much when he talks to Lionel.

I was touched that Lionel was not discouraged when King George walked away from him. Instead of feeling ignored and mad when he had been dismissed so suddenly, he still came to him as a real friend. It had reminded me of how friends should be.

It had taught me to become of their character ... and I am going to be as such.