174: a Reality Slap

Lately, life has been rubbing reality in my face. LOL. I mean literally. It's like life writes down all the things I have to deal with then BAM rubs the paper on my face so I could take in what I have to face in order to be a better person (or be the person I wanted to be). Then life would ask me if I still want to take the challenge. 

1. If you want to get there you have to sacrifice something.

Like what I have said before I have been reading John Maxwell's Put Your Dreams to the Test and I am currently in the chapter where in it talks about the 'Prices we have to pay for our Dreams'. I knew about this even before, heard about it all through my life. But even though I have heard about it, I was not able to take it seriously. I mean, why does it go that way? Is it really necessary to go through that kind of challenge in order to succeed? Can we not at least compromise? I had the mantra that maybe I can go through the road less traveled unscathed. But now I have come to face the fact that yes there are sacrifices I have to do in order to get there. Maybe I never thought about the sacrifices I have to do, but now ... it becomes more real when I got to that point when I realized that I have to do that in order to get that. 

2. Some people you love won't be so supportive.

Let's face it: YES this is a painful reality, but it's true. I told my parents that I wanted to give up my career in order to hone my artistic skills, but I did not get the support I thought I'd get. They are scared that my plans might not work and I would eventually fail. I re-assured them that it's okay for me, that I'd rather fail ... but they are very insistent that maybe I could just pursue my artistic skills part time. I did not want to cause them pain but I could see in their eyes how disappointed they are every time I mention about giving up my career for my passion. I'll always get their disapproval until ~ maybe ~ I become successful. Earning through the means of my passion. Until then they are not going to allow me to give up huge things, such as my career.

3. Going through the uncomfortable zones

I'm not exactly very extrovert. I'm not a sales person. I'd rather be inside my room than spend my time trying to sell my ideas to others ... these are the attitudes that I need to improve upon when I laid down what I wanted to do. It made me feel nauseous when I realize that I have to deal with those if I wanted to pursue my ideas. I have to take the risk of being rejected, of being laughed at, of people ridiculing my ideas, of people not believing in my capabilities ... I have to admit that it's going to be painful for me. I might not even take the blow. But it's the only way to make my dreams a reality.

When I read John Maxwell's book it made me realize why there are only few people who becomes the person they wanted to be. There are a lot of personal battles to win that sometimes we are not willing to take thus sometimes some people just give up or settle down where they are. 

I'm already in that phase of embracing the uncomfortable zone. It's taking mental and emotional preparation and acceptance since it's a personal battle. I do not want to give up along way despite the challenges. I'm telling you it's a tough battle because I have certain attitudes that I need to break. It's a painful adjustment. But I really believe it's worth it. I just hold on to God to be with me always.

Let's talk if you are going through the same experience! Comment or send me an email. :)

151: Facing my own fears

Do you love Game of Thrones? I just love that awesome, brutal, intelligent book. Anyway, there is a particular quote that I came across where in I find very true. This quote was said by one of my favorite characters, Arya Stark.

Fear cuts deeper than swords.

Fear might be a word that we just shrugged off. Fear is a four letter word that doesn't seem to bother us consciously, but what we don't know is that it's actually the poison that's running on our blood that's putting us into coma before we even start to make our dreams come true. I wouldn't say that I am free of this, because I have my fair share of experiences where in my fear got the best of me. Fear stops me before I even do what I want to do.

To tell you my story, I would like to indicate the number one fear that I have.

FAILURE.

I am afraid to fail. I am afraid to fail executing my ideas. I am afraid to fail my certification exams, and etc.,  Hence, I either delay doing them or not doing them at all. I want to design and print my own shirt way long ago but never actually have done them. Why? Because I was afraid that it might not come out the way I expected it to. Second, I might just waste my money and time. So, I never really have done anything. Fear had won over me. Thus, I never had my own designed shirt.

My example might be simple. But what I don't know, fear actually is the reason why I have never taken a step towards what I wanted before. And the important thing I have learned about fear is: A smaller fear can be a bigger fear.

I knew I cannot live on fear, so I made a way for me to address them.

I put name on my fears

I write all the fears that I have, because I believe fear is the enemy I have to know. I cannot face my enemy without knowing them. Thus, in my opinion, it's important that I am conscious of my own fears. Hence, I identify them.

All the Pros and none the cons.

I don't think of the cons in facing them. I just write down/think of all the good things that I will get when I conquer them. Writing down the cons, makes me realize how important for me to face them.

Get inspired

I love words of wisdom! Words of wisdom gets me fueled. It inspires me to eradicate my irrational fears. This makes me realize how important my pros are, and how I should fight for my dreams to come true despite of my fears.

Pray 

Our priest once said that "Prayer changes people". I also believe the power of prayer, I always pray for strength to face my fear. It helps!

You, what are you ways to face your fear?

99: Rant!: Losing Touch?

I have been wondering if I have lost my touch towards the habits that I used to love. First, losing my love on writing. I have been a frustrated writer. I may not be a proficient writer but yes every now and then (before) I used to ramble on my journal. I used to compose quite a few paragraphs. Now, I'm down to 1 paragraph to a few sentences.

I usually blame my work; telling myself that I am too tired to even think of an entry. Or I'd rather caught up with my missed sleep that's why I procrastinate writing until forgotten.

Second, losing my attraction towards drawing. I have been trying to improve my drawing ever since. Like on drawing, I also lost my attention on drawing.

It's frustrating. I know I do not want to lose these habits. In fact I want to add few things in my habits. There's sculpting, painting, and cooking. I hope that I won't be the type of person who turned out to be slaves of work that the only thing they know to do is to work and sleep.

Oh well ... So does this mean that I have totally lost my touch? -- no not yet. I may not write as often as I used to but at least I am able to think what to write about. As you know, evident of this entry. Then, I still have a time to draw though very very little. But, if I manage not to practice them even - even a little while, I'll lose it.

So I guess this all depends on me now, right?

96: The Week that Was

Okay so there's a lot of things that I must share with you. But first and foremost was my TPR presentation. TPR presentation is "Training Progress Report". Basically the new hires at HP (Hewlett-Packard) are required to present to the managers and team leaders the updates of how their first 6 - 8 months went with the team.

I received the invitation last week friday. It all came a sudden that surprised me. I was not expecting that I would be presenting this Wednesday (October 19). But though it came by a surprise I felt no fear; but I must admit I was alarmed. There are few things that had alarmed me; like what I should report, if my content is suffice, or if I would meet their approval.

Their position in the industry had intimidated me, but I've prayed. I prayed for God's guidance. In the end, my presentation went smooth and actually surpassed my expectation. In which I have to thank God for that.

I was blessed.

Second, the impediments of love story. There are times that I think that I was pursuing this guy so much that he cannot return the effort I was giving. But first I do not want to confuse you. You see, this guy and I had a past. It did not work well just because of a lot of things getting between us. But I think if I am free to love .... things would go our way, but it didn't. So now I thought if I could keep him as a friend, maybe eventually ...

So I am trying to gain back his friendship because who knows ... if we're able to keep in touch for long, we might end up soon.

But *sigh* to say, sometimes I feel like I was pushing myself too much. ☹

Then I received the post-card from my well beloved friend from Denmark. I woke up and someone had placed the post-card beside me. So it was the first thing I have seen. It was such a beautiful way to wake up.

My officemates and I went to Serendra last friday. It was unexpected. We got there around 11 o'clock and most of the shops were closed already. We were lucky to be able to get a dinner at Claw Daddy and buy a cupcake from Sonja's. It was a lovely treat for ourselves.

Lastly, I enjoyed my colleague's coffee. It's funny! She makes her coffee in odd measurements. She would take a regular cup of  hot water, then a pint of powdered coffee and quite a spoonful of sugar. If you look at the cup, it wouldn't give you an idea that what's inside is a coffee. You can actually mistake it for a tea because of its lightness. But I enjoy the taste.

The coffee

Oh well that's all that has been on my weekdays. It was abrupt but it was fun.

94: A Feast of No One

Today we celebrate the feast of our patron. 10 years ago, celebrating feast had been a chaos (in a good way). There are street dancings, bands, majorettes, tourists, and etc., the cacophony of the street noise would never fail to make you feel that it is indeed a celebration.

But as they say, things change. Today, as we celebrate the feast our street is not packed with tourists' cars. There are no street noise, no dancing, no singing., It would seem that people had outgrown the tradition.

10 years ago, we would have our relatives coming over. Today, we only had our grandmother's sister visiting. She did not even bother to stay long. I guessed that she had stayed only in courtesy to my father. Last year, none of his relatives came and he outraged at them saying that he had prepared for them yet they did not bother to come. He felt snubbed.

It did not bother me that we did not have many visitors or there are no street parties, but I wouldn't deny that it made me sad to think how others had gone indifferent to a day where everyone in the family get together, thank the patron, and have a good time.

59: Cooking: Spicy Sauteed Fish with Olives and Tomatoes

So this is my attempt to ala Masterchef. I have been obsessed with Masterchef ever since it aired and I have been crushing on Gordon Ramsay ever since I have started watching Hell's Kitchen. Since then I have been very very fascinated with cooking.

I wanted WANTED to try out cooking but I chickened out because of the thought of failing on my attempt and wasting a few hundred bucks on an un-edible food. So most of the time I was procrastinating.

However, the longer I watch Masterchef and seeing the passion of the contestant and the judges, it makes me want to try as well.

So I'm trying this one out and see if I will succeed. I think this is not going to be tough this is just sautéed. It wouldn't take a genius to perfect this.

But let's hope it will work out for me.

Will get back to tell you guys how it went! :)

45: Mind's at race

Regarding my last entry: Can't Sleep

There's a reason why I am wide awake at this time. I am wide awake because my mind is at race. There are few things that I want do, I want to accomplish. Like: I should start blogging seriously, swimming along the tiger sharks at Manila Ocean Park, take a chance at this height enhancer that I am eying (and practically being paranoid of its side-effects and the what-if's), sending an email to Brad, the clothes I want to buy, paying my dentist soon, my savings, when should I start saving for my travel plans, buying Panasonic GF1 and if I should ever take a photography class, paying doc 6F a visit soon, and taking an action in my charity case.

My mind has a life of its own, but whenever my mind starts working crafting thoughts it titillates me in making an action and how it excites me to see the results.

heh!

38: a Taste of Drifting Away

I found myself staring at my journal for almost a minute or two. I know I would be writing something about how my day went. Though there are a lot of things that has happened, I realized that I found myself not being able to write a single word.

Well I did, write a few words but in the end, those words turned into a scratch.

A scratch.

Scratch.

Scratch.

If I remember it clearly one of my professors in writing told me that there are those people that when they start working, they drift off to their passions and become a slave of their work. Their life revolves around eating, working, having fun with friends, and sleeping. He had noticed this when his daughter who had a passion for writing had started working.

I remember that when I realized that I no longer don't know what to write about. Why suddenly writing becomes a responsibility that I need to fill rather than a hobby. I looked back at my past entries only to realize that my writings were mostly .... nonsensical and non-reflective.

They say that when people lived the real life, they had little time for sentimental things. They drift away towards ... the world of apoplexy.