193: On Art

I'm in love with art. This is something that I have discovered just a few years ago. But to say, I've always been into art, but it was ingrained into my mind that there's little to no money at all in that industry. Hence, I grew up running away from it and chasing the life that everyone is chasing.

But I was lucky that I got in touch with it again. I've always been into drawing and writing. It's just lately that I got into painting. I had difficulty with painting because I'm not good at colors and shading. I'm blank at those area. But I was persistent, so I practiced and practiced.

Javert - Les Miserables - Soft touch

my recent painting :)

It's not so much but I've been practicing and I know one day I'll get there. I have difficulty in painting a portrait because human face is just hard to get it right. But I still believe in persistence. 

On writing. I've been writing since I was 10 years old. I've started writing in journal, still been writing on journals. My journal had been the witness of every feelings, dreams, hopes, and longings that I had. I think without my journal I would have gone insane (life issues, you know).

I wouldn't deny that I've been defensive towards writing (I think you have noticed that on my disclaimer). I'm defensive because it's precious to me. I would not deny that my construction is as messed up until now. So yeah, when someone attacks me on it, I sometimes take it personally because -- again -- writing had been close to my heart. 

But you know, I've come to this point where I realized not to be (defensive). Yeah, it still hurts and will still hurt if someone pointed how seemingly pointless, messy, or artless my writing is. But it's okay, I'm writing for myself. I'm writing because it's my art, because it's one of my ways I know how to get in touch within myself.

You know, you might also be one of those people who struggles in art; who wanted to get in touch with their emotion and put it in writing, in canvas, or in paper but has difficulty because they are afraid to be judged, to be discouraged, to have their own craft laughed at, but don't. Everyone started in that point to. Just continue regardless even if it seems daunting. You'll eventually get there. Believe me. Have courage.

188: and I wrote while I bleed

1 o'clock and here I am bleeding on the blank sheet of my journal. Ideas seems to be evasive at the moment but the emotions were surfacing on my veins soaking the sheets with blood. 

Heart pumping ...

                    Mind racing ...

                               Palms sweating ...

... bleeding, bleeding until I have filled the sheet with blood. I laid down consumed. Dead.

~oOo~

I have an addiction of getting away (who doesn't anyway?). Whenever I see an opportunity to get away I'd take it. We have different reason why we enjoy escape. But what I particularly enjoy about it is because it gives me an opportunity to write on my journal undisturbed. I was lucky that my good friend Raisa had invited me to hangout in the hotel her family had checked in. So we had the room by ourselves. We stayed there drank an incredible amount of liquor, and while my good friend was sleeping on the couch I took the available time to write. 

To say, I was drunk when I wrote on my journal. I talked about my current emotions that has been plaguing me for few days already. I was writing, writing, writing until I slumped down on the chair and realized that I have exhausted myself writing. It was the first time I wrote with such intensity that I had my head spinning afterwards and was literally spent. 

But writing while in state of drunkenness has an amazing effects. haha.

I also did some sketching afterward. :) lol.

81: Jaime Fraser and Claire Beauchamp - Chibi!

Click to full view.

My comment?

I wish I were more adept in digital drawing. I'm having a hard time with stroking using the pen tablet. But well ... to say I'm a little content. But I think I could have improved it more. 

*sigh*

4: Care for Mustache?

Care for mustache? That's my new blog name.

since I'm sleepy-deepy now

I'll give you more details tomorrow!

Ciao!