Before I finally let go of 2014, I have written the things that it taught me. Although, I have flinch while looking on my list, I told myself that I need to move on, and forgive myself for being unwise, and undisciplined. I believe last year was the best time to actually learn through failure and pain, so that I won't be making the same mistake in the future. Here are some of lesson that I have learned:
1. Think Before Making a Commitment
I am incredibly impulsive. I get too excited with ideas, and invitations. When someone invites me to go out of town, to attend a party, to join the upcoming sport activity -- I'll say 'yes' immediately without considering my schedule and the location. My friends used to taunt me that I am someone who cancels at the last minute or they wouldn't expect so much in terms of my appearance because I was already engaged in another event. It was embarrassing, and it makes me feel bad that I am losing the integrity of my commitments.
After I realized how many canceled invitations I have done, I told myself that I need to stop 'agreeing' on these invitations before people would lose their trust on my words. Now, I make it a habit to just say 'I'll check my schedule first', before I give my decision.
2. Time Management
'Time is Gold', damn the cliche but it gets truer as I age. Before, I used to think that I can manage my commitments all at same time. I can accomplish tasks because I have all the time in the world -- well, no. Now that I have started working, and have personal goals that I need to accomplish, I realized that it's a struggle juggling them all together. I can now relate to people saying that they don't have time doing extra things -- like exercising, cooking their own food, etc., because there isn't enough time to accomplish everything.
Time management is my Achilles heels. Being unable to manage time ruins my goal setting; that and add the unnecessary engagements are all that it takes to see everything falling apart.
Honestly, up until now it's still a struggle. I still have to work 9 hours, sleep for 6 hours, travel to work for 2 to 3 hours, and etc., so I'm still puzzled on how I can achieve everything. The solution I thought was distributing my goals in a week. Let's see if it works.
3. Doing Things Half-Heartedly
I have written before that most of things that I have agreed to work on felt like they were done half heartedly, that I was not able to put my heart on my craft. I think in most of the project that I have done, I was not able to say that 'I worked hard for this' -- that I have sleepless nights, and cried bucket of tears to make it work out.
This problem is the result of me being unable to manage my time. I noticed that my projects were done in haste. Often there was no timeline followed. Although, in fairness, even if some of my projects were done in a whim, I know I was able to exceed the expectation or at least met the expectations. But what's wrong with that is: I could not feel the sense of accomplishment. I could not call my projects as a 'breakthrough'.
4. Acknowledging Fear and Embracing It
I've always felt like I was hovering on the edge not knowing if I should take a leap of faith or not. Sometimes, I think I have 'taken a leap' when really it was just hop and not really diving head-on. I may have said about embracing and working on fear but really, I think most of the time I was just pretending to embrace it.
This fear is partially the reason why I am doing things half-heartedly, I didn't want to get hurt or get my craft rejected (knowing I poured my soul and heart on it) that's why I didn't want to exhaust everything I have so that if it gets rejected it wouldn't offend or hurt me.
5. Life is about Living
We are humans, and that we are flawed. As much as I want to live all the things I have learned on the personal development books, and conventions I took, I will still make a mistake. But making a mistake, and failing is only a small part of what makes this life colorful. I should be grateful that in spite of my failures I still have friends who are understanding, family that's supportive, and God who still provides tomorrow to start all over again. There are many missed opportunities, and wasted time but I still have another day to make up for my mistake and to become better. I learned how to forgive myself, and not to deprecate myself for my shortcomings.
Shakespeare once said 'The fault, ... , is not in our stars, but in ourselves.' 2015 would be the same as 2014 if I will not change myself. So, I already hold these lessons so close to my heart because I want my 2015 to be bigger and better than my 2014. I can only pray, hope, and wish but the answer is my attitude and by taking an action.
I'm ready 2015. I'm ready for you.
