279: "Be not afraid. Ye seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He is risen! He is not here. Behold the place where they laid Him." - Mark 16:6

Photo taken when we were in Palaui, Cagayan

Jesus has been risen.

Finally we have reached the Easter Sunday after 40 days of sacrifices and of spiritual journey, we have finally arrived at this moment. I finally have arrived at this moment. I ended my Holy Week by attending the Easter Vigil in Manila Cathedral last night (and it was presided by his eminence, Cardinal Tagle). Attending the mass in Manila Cathedral became a devotion ever since the Holy Week kicked off. I go there to attend the mass on early Saturdays (as time permits). So far, during the lent, I was able to carry out the devotion and had concluded it yesterday.

Additionally, since the 40 days had ended, I had the Facebook application re-installed on my cellphone, and I started browsing my notifications.

Back to Facebook

To say, I should feel more relieved now I got back to my old self, but to be honest I felt unfamiliar with who I was before. After the 40 days spiritual journey, I felt like a different person. Looking on my Facebook, it felt like I wasn't the person who was in there. I even felt like a stranger to the people whom I have seen on my newsfeed because of my lack of updates on their lives. It's a strange feeling. It's something that I guess I need to ponder at. But if there's something that I am sure of, it's that I lost my interest in Facebook. I even wonder why I could not live not checking the notifications before.

What are the things that I did during the Holy Week and what Jesus revealed to me?

Saturdays with the Immaculate Conception

Inside the Cathedral, during one of my visits

One of the things that maybe non-catholics wouldn't understand (and I believe this would remain a discussion) is how Catholics are devoted to Mother Mary. I, myself, also wondered about her significance. However, through my prayers, I was lucky enough to get the answer (you may read here). My answer, of course, came through other's better knowledge, and me seeking.

In here I pray for Mother Mary to pray for me to Her loving son Jesus Christ in order for my soul to be forgiven, I also mention to Her to pray to Jesus Christ my petitions. I talk to Mother Mary as how I would talk to my mother. I treat my relationship to Her as how I would treat my real Mother. However, of course, I still have failings. But I know in my heart that She continues to pray for me as well.

Honestly, ever since I upped my relationship with Her, during my most heartfelt prayers, I would end up crying for no reason. There's one very significant moment that one time after my work (my work ends at 12 midnight) I decided to stay for another 5 hours in the office in order to attend the 7AM mass. When the time struck 05:20AM I left the office in Quezon City and arrived in Manila Cathedral by 06:30AM, when I arrived on the church, exhausted from lack of sleep and travel, I uttered "Mother" in relief, and wept. It was an incredible weeping (here's an info how far I work from Manila Cathedral). I prayed the rosary and my tears continue to fall every time I say my prayers.

Under the Starry Sky

When I was reading the book The Jesuis Guide to Almost Everything one of things (among many things) that I adopted is how St. Ignatius would pray among the stars. I felt that I should also do the same.

my caption

There's one thing I have learned while praying at night under the many stars that's scattered in the black ink sky, it's so quiet. You know the saying, 'in silence we find God'? -- it is indeed true. While everyone is asleep, when I go outside our terrace (right after I take my shower), I would pull out a chair sit there look up at the stars and would utter 'Lord Jesus look upon your lowly servant as I say my prayers to You',  and for some wild imagination, I would imagine that Lord Jesus would turn His head down and would indeed look upon me.

I've mentioned earlier that to Mother Mary I pray for Her to pray for me to Lord Jesus, what I say when I pray to Jesus is how I would talk to Him as my savior. I talk to Him of my gratitude, of my weakness, of my sins, of the Christian community and how the Christians are being persecuted, I talk to Him of my relationship with Him, and I pray for Him to help me that 'I may be able to live on His words and His teachings in order for me to bridge others to Him', and of course for Him to strengthen my faith.

During this quiet times at night, a bucket of tears would be shed. This is even the first time that I cried while talking to Him about our brothers and sisters in other countries who's being persecuted for their faith. This is something that I never thought I'd be able to do, and every time the prayer ends it always makes my heart at peace.

Find God in Nature

My friends and I recently went to Palaui, Cagayan (more on that next time). When we went there my goals were actually to pray during the sunset, pray at night, and enjoy with my friends. I almost didn't go because of Financial constrains but because I really, really want to try to pray among the nature (this is also mentioned in the Ignatian Spirituality -- praying among the Nature), I pursued.

Circumstances made it hard for me to pray during the travel for one thing: our first few days ended up staying in Hotel (so basically not yet in the nature). Second, the shore was too far where we first stayed. Third, when I was already underneath the stars, there was a rain. However, one time I found a perfect moment to talk to Jesus, while walking on the shore and the sun was setting I ended up talking to Him. It was a perfect solemn and quiet moment.

There's something I have realized, that when I talk to Jesus it's hard to stop! Sometimes I even feel chatty that maybe I was already confusing Jesus because I keep on jumping from one topic to another. But it was amazing.

When I was about to end my talk to Jesus, I closed my eyes as a tears rolled down my cheeks and said 'Jesus, thank You. Thank You for this moment.'

This was taken after my 'talk' with Jesus

A Conscious Decision

I remember before during my college years, while talking to this person I admired, and our eyes met I told myself that I love that person, and I will love that person. It was the first time that I realized that love is also a conscious decision. I learned that Love is not only an emotion, but it's a decision, and that I will love that person.

When I made the decision to be in relationship with God, it was like that moment too. It was a conscious decision that I will love Him, when I laid my eyes on Him.

But like any relationship, there will be a trying times, challenges, and temptations to stray and for me to continuously disappoint Him. But like what I say in my prayers, I pray for Jesus to 'not to let my eyes wander away from Him'.

The Holy Week might have ended, but this is just a beginning for my spiritual Journey.

Let's pray for each other. :)

278: Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!

There will come a moment in our life that we would wake up as a different person.

For the past few days I had been having a hard time thinking of what to write here. The reason why I found it hard is because I am afraid that this blog all turn out to be spiritual because apparently, at this moment of my life, the most important matter to me right now is my faith.

Obviously, Lord Jesus humored me when I prayed for Him to 'strengthen my faith', because when He granted my prayer, the only subject I could think of for the past few months is my relationship with Him. I cannot even imagine getting on the day without praying (the rosary, daytime prayer/vespers). I do not pray for the sake of praying, or getting my prayers/intentions granted but because I wanted to be closer to Him, I want to put Him in the center of my life, to be in relationship with Him. So right now, I find it a bit hard not to talk about Jesus.

This is where the problem comes in.

I know it shouldn't be a problem because considering that I own this blog, I can pretty much write about anything here, but I always wanted to have a niche. I wanted to connect to people -- not just to Catholics/Christians -- but to everyone. I wanted to tell my journey as a human being traveling in this world, but it's not the case now.

I guess moving forward you'll most likely read entries about my journey with Jesus. I know it might not appeal to everyone, but it's okay, I understand. But I hope for those who can relate will stick with me. This is, besides, for Jesus.

275: How Do We Help?

Image From: https://fullydevoted1011.wordpress.com/

A week ago, a man got into the bus that I was riding on my way to the office and spoke out loud in the middle saying that he needs help to pay for his badly injured leg due to an accident. To prove that he wasn't lying, he showed his wound, and the smell of a festering wound surrounded the enclosed bus. You cannot imagine how a festering wound smells like.

Learn how to cry for the Poor

While he solicit coins, Pope Francis' message in UST echoed in my mind. Here is the man who needs help, how can I help?

[...] There is a worldly compassion which is useless. You expressed something like this. It’s a compassion that makes us put our hands in our pockets and give something to the poor. But if Christ had had that kind of compassion he would have greeted a couple of people, given them something, and walked on. But it was only when he was able to cry that he understood something of our lives. [..]

I may be rushing on my way to the office, but here is my opportunity to practice my being a better Christian by reaching out, but one cannot help but wonder: how can someone who's a middle class worker, who's in the rush to reach to her office, who currently has no influence, no power, no position can help?

But besides, the helping, you cannot imagine how bad I feel for the guy. You can feel how much he was unwanted in the bus because of his wounds. I didn't want to add more injury to the guy, instead of wincing on the smell, or showing grossed out by evading his outstretched hand, I stretched my hand and handed him some money. The only consolation I can offer at such limited time was my sincerity, so I looked at him straight in the eye, smiled, and nodded.

It was the only thing I can do at the moment. I hope it was suffice, but a week after, I am still disturbed that it felt like I fell on the category of those people who just gives money on those who asked. I seriously hope I have done something else that would have told the guy that there is still some people out there who are not indifferent on his sufferings.

If I can go back at the moment, I would have reached out, grabbed his hand and say 'I will pray for you'. It may be some of the last thing that he needed, but a sympathy from a stranger might at least a balm on his soul. I wish I have done this, but I am glad that this came to me, I'll do this when I get an opportunity in the future, and I hope that in spite of my limitations to help, I may have done something.

274: It's Lent Season!

Image from http://www.holyfamilysisters.org

It’s Lent Season! This is possibly one of the biggest event for Catholics, next to Christmas. To say, this is the first time that I am actually excited. I never really cared much about Lent because I found it too melancholic. For those who do not live in Philippines, during Lent you can really feel that the nation is in mourning. There are little, to no regular TV programs, most especially during Good Friday to Black Saturday. The retail stores are closed, the people are in their own respective houses praying, meditating, and simply savoring the silence. To me, it’s too bleak. But of course, while others are doing vigil, there are those who spend the Holiday in beaches. It really depends. But where I live, it’s evident that we are in vigil.

You might wonder why I suddenly had a change of perspective. With my renewed relationship with God, this will allow me to go deeper with my reflections and meditations. I want to spend the Holy Week meditating on God‘s love to save us. For me, this is an opportunity to further deepen my relationship with Him, and I’d also like to reflect on my own sinfulness and what can I do to in return for God’s love for me.

CONFESSION. Funny moment. Like what I have said, I never really participated that much during Lent so this is actually my first time to do fasting. I thought that the fasting would start next week, so earlier I enjoyed eating hotdog and egg during breakfast. To my regret, I was told that actually, the fasting starts today. You cannot imagine my confusion with what to do with the hotdog and egg that I ate. I asked my mom if I have to poke my throat so I can throw up the contents of my stomach. On the other hand, I thought I’d confess it to the priest, but then saying ‘Father I have sinned, I ate hotdogs and eggs when I should be fasting’ sounds ridiculous.

Actually, I still do not know what to do with the hotdog and the egg. But yes, I’m actually fasting, I’ve given up Facebook and Twitter, and will reduce my eating to only one full meal in a day.

You, what are you going to do this Lent?

By the way, if you have tumblr. Can you please follow the two blogs that I have created?

http://weareromancatholics.tumblr.com/
http://longlivepopefrancis.tumblr.com/