186: Self Loathing is the Way to Wake Up

'Francois Rabelais. He was a poet. And his last words were 'I go to seek a Great Perhaps.' That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeing a Great Perhaps

This book speaks to me so much, just as the previous book that I have read talked to me. I love the concept of being brave and going to a world we are not sure of. Throwing certainty to find adventure, find the treasure we are suppose to find. I read it because it was the kind of life I hope to take (soon!) I really loathe myself at the moment for being a coward.

What I really complain about is the fact that I was nurtured to take the 'careful' steps: to do well in life. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with this kind of upbringing, but then I thought of missed opportunities; of missing what life supposed to be. I mean okay, I'm employed in a well company, earning well. I can't say anything bad to where I am, but then again so what? So is this all what I will be until I left the world?

Does living well in the world all that it takes? Just that? Being employed and working hard? Will I work hard for the next 20 to 30 years of my life? What life is really all about? I just don't find any significance in living just to live. I think we are born to be something else. I just could not ducking figure out what. And this upsets me.

[update] hah, and then I see someone posted this video in my newsfeed. Life, you're talking to me.

161: Taking that Leap of Faith

I have to be honest that uncertainty scares me. I worry when I am faced with the thought that things might not workout the way I hope it will be, and the fact that I may not be able to undo things scares me. But this time, I have to beat that fear. I have to give opportunity chance, even if there's a chance of losing too. I have to look beyond my fears and concentrate of what I will gain.

You know, giving opportunity a chance is one of the 30 things that I need to start doing to myself. It seems easy to do. But now that I am already in that moment, I realized how hard it is to experience that idea. But I need to give this a chance. I cannot let it go and wonder in the future what life could have been if I took that step.

Reading that quote from Michael Jordan, inspired me. I think despite of how unsure I am of what the future holds I need to do it. I have to remember that this is essential for my own growth. Besides, I believe that God is with me to guide me. I also know that He lead me to this path, thus I must believe on His plans.

So I'm taking that leap, and leave the rest to faith.

To uncertainty. Je Suis Prest. I am ready.