About

Hi I'm Hael. And I live somewhere you don't know.

Hael is my virtual name but sometimes when I feel like I have exhausted my virtual name, I change it to 'Grey'. So don't be surprised if you see some of my accounts with Grey or Hael as my name. The reason why I have virtual name is because I am not comfortable in sharing to the world of unknown what my real name is. So I thought I'd rather make my own virtual name.

Regarding where I live ... well I guess that's not really important right?

Anyway, I am writing this at this ungodly hour because I have been thinking of taking blogging seriously. I know I should just told myself to do this at the most decent time. But apparently, since sleep had been avoiding me for the past 3 hours, I thought I'd give myself a kick and do what I have been thinking about (and that's updating, re-constructing my blog).

I wanted to try to take blogging seriously to share my world to everyone. I want to share my hopes, dreams, aspirations, travels, heartbreaks, happiness, and thoughts. I want to gain friends, make someone laugh, and possibly inspire.

I've been blogging for the past 10 years. I have moved from blogger to livejournal to wordpress to tumblr to twitter then back here at blogger. I have made countless of blog accounts only to have them replaced few months/years after. There are blogs that I still keep and blogs that no longer exist. For now, I am active in Twitter, Tumblr, and in here.

And I am hoping to keep this one a lifetime.

What I love: Reading, writing, sketching, eating, and laughing.

45: Mind's at race

Regarding my last entry: Can't Sleep

There's a reason why I am wide awake at this time. I am wide awake because my mind is at race. There are few things that I want do, I want to accomplish. Like: I should start blogging seriously, swimming along the tiger sharks at Manila Ocean Park, take a chance at this height enhancer that I am eying (and practically being paranoid of its side-effects and the what-if's), sending an email to Brad, the clothes I want to buy, paying my dentist soon, my savings, when should I start saving for my travel plans, buying Panasonic GF1 and if I should ever take a photography class, paying doc 6F a visit soon, and taking an action in my charity case.

My mind has a life of its own, but whenever my mind starts working crafting thoughts it titillates me in making an action and how it excites me to see the results.

heh!

44: Can't Sleep

Last Saturday I did not have my usual 9-10 hours sleep after my shift (my shift ends; Saturday 5AM since I am working in a night shift time, following Pacific Time). I only slept for 4 and half hours. I slept around 9 AM right after I did a workout in my room. But my sleep got disturbed because my brother was watching on his portable DVD in a loud volume.

During the afternoon I was sort of expecting that sleep would come to me, but to my surprise it didn't. I feel energized. I thought it was okay because I know that sleep might get to me anytime soon, pero unfortunately, it didn't. I think I only slept for 5 hours.

I woke up 3 AM earlier and went to mass around 6AM. After attending the holy mass, I know I would be napping every now and then because I know I did not get long hours of sleep last Saturday but for some reason I didn't. I did not take a morning nap nor did I take my usual afternoon nap because I went to the salon.

Around 5 PM I decided to force myself and take a nap. I did but nanay Inday woke me up 6:30 PM to have dinner. Then, I slept past 10 PM only to wake up past 12 midnight. And now? I am wide awake.

I am bothered that I am not getting my long hours of sleep. What is happening?

43: Ought.

I OUGHT TO WRITE INTERESTINGLY.

42: drifting.

It has been months when I realized that I haven't written anything that make sense. As of late, my journal entry is mostly in short paragraphs about how my day/week went. Most of the entry no longer contain the art that I have been trying to hone ever since.

When I started to work, everything became a little too limited. My availability becomes limited. The time of thinking becomes limited. The time for art is limited that sometimes it's no longer even in my schedule of "to-do's". I think the more time pass, the more I am losing my old self.

Most of the time, I have been blaming work and how it had placed me in the world of apoplexy. I blamed work about how it turned me into a programmed robot. But now, work was no longer "the blame" but rather, myself. I know that I am drifting; and I let myself drift. I no longer fought holding-on to myself. Thus, I let myself go.

The only payment that I give myself during my time of availability is an overindulgence of gluttony and vanity. I am shaping myself to be part of those people who are cemented to the standards of the world; to become someone with variety. To become someone, to the point of losing one's self to a world's pantomime.

I was thinking that maybe this is what it ought to be.

And so I let my clock tick; and I let myself drift.