287: Begin Again

Exactly how many starts should we really make in life? Just last October 24 I have written about 'Starting Again', and right now I am -- yet, again -- writing about 'Starting Again', how just funny is that? Well, for one thing, I am so blessed to have the opportunity to be able to 'start again' because it means I have this time to make up for all the wrong things that I have made, face my shortcomings, and be a better person than I was.

So what exactly is new to me:

1. New role and team in the office

To say, I knew that I wasn't performing at my best on my previous role. I knew that I kept on coming short on my goals, and was always rushing to meet deliverables. There were too many 'I should have done this, done that' when I was on my previous post, and too many self deprecating moments that I lost my confidence on myself.

There was no one to blame but myself. I knew that I kept on coming short because I wasn't trying hard enough. I couldn't figure out why I always feel inadequate: What is it because I don't have enough time? Because I was handling too much? But one thing is for sure: I wasn't really happy. I wish I had done better, I knew I could have been better but I just didn't do better.

What's good is that I was given a new post in a new team. Equipped with my experiences and learnings, this new position is a ticket for me to redeem, and to prove to myself that I am better.

I know I am better now.


2. New Business Idea

Exactly how many papers have I wasted brain storming on my idea? The last time I have written on my Starting Again  I have spent four months searching for a new idea that's feasible for me to execute, and I am glad that I now I have one. To say, I have already progressed, in fact I can imagine how it will look like, and how it will be. I am looking forward to writing about it soon. Well, I will write about it when I have already executed it.

If you want to know why I need to execute this baby project is because  it's also a way for me to defeat this nagging thought that I could not do it. I just want to prove to myself that I am not a 'good at start' type of person, that I can also make an idea come to life.

3. New Personal Development Group

I have attended a recent Millionaire Mind Intensive Seminar. This seminar is a conducted by Harv T. Eker's group. Harv T. Eker, by the way, is a successful author of the Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth. During the seminar, I was able to meet a lot of people that were actually my friends now. One of those people that I met happens to be in the same location as I was so we both decided to invite people who also lives near for a meet up. We thought that it's good for us to keep the positivity, and the energy alive. I am glad that we were able to make the commitment to meet each other in spite of how busy our schedules were.

I am excited to see more people in our future meetings because the reason why we made the group, besides keeping the energy alive, is to share what we have learned in the seminar because it helped us a lot. We all know that we'll be able to help our friends by sharing it with them too. We want to keep a pool of people who would strive to push others to reach their potential, to let them know that there are people out there who would encourage them in spite of how hopeless life may seem. We also want to be the light to others.

So I am excited to see this group grow. I look forward in hearing more positivity, and people cheering for other people's success.

So those are the things that had started in my life. I am blessed to be able to start again because it means that life is not yet over for me, that I still have this chance to make a start, to redeem myself.

The past few failures that I encountered were really defeating to the point that I am starting to question my ability to succeed. But I am glad that due to my continuous personal development reading it taught me to live on values, and one of them is to persevere.

I am not complaining that life knocked me too many times, and too many tears had spilled, because I know that it's just preparing me for a better tomorrow.

284: Start Again.

Wow, 2 months, and 22 days since my last post. I never expected that I would be writing here again soon. But -- well -- I thought that I should after facing some 'dead ends' along my way in this so-called life. I though where-else is the best place to rant, and rave, and feel hopeful again than here in my own blog space? Who knows I may impart some wisdom to others.

Okay so for the past few months, years I have spent my life trying to dip my hands in Entrepreneurship. I've gone through selling stuffs online, joined network marketing, done trading, and recommended buyers for real estate. But for the past few months, I finally have dipped my hands on a real baby project. This baby project will be my first tangible 'small business'.

To say, when I brought up the idea I've had people who are ready to invest. So, knowing that I have support, I've started moving my baby project from idea to writing. However, during consultation, I've come into some 'road-blocks'. There are real life questions thrown at me that I started to doubt if I can really carry out my 'baby' and bring it to fruition: Can I really do it?

To say, that nagging question 'can you really do it?' worked as sledgehammer on my confidence, and courage. That one question totally bothered me all through out my plans that for sometime I've ended up almost abandoning the idea. The fear or failure, and not being able to meet the expectation of my investors had troubled me.

I couldn't move. They say that over thinking results to paralysis, and it does. Since I do not want to be bothered by that nagging question I ended up succumbing to a habit that's not really helpful such as binge reading on romance novels (guilty pleasure!), oversleeping, and procrastinating. These bad habits had become a morphine that allowed me to block this one tough question (among a lot of them to come when I go from writing phase to building phase).

However, yesterday while listening to the accomplishments of my friends, and how others had 'arrived' to a new phase of their life, made me feel coward. I thought that I also wanted to reach some milestones and share it with my friends, therefore, I need to break this addiction of morphia. It's either I keep on cowering, or face them.

So how do I 'start again', first I think it's important to confront myself -- hence this entry -- and admitting that I've had a bad addiction. Second, it's revisiting my 'to do' list, and going back again on what I want to accomplish in long term.Third, it's to focus, and act.

*sigh* It's not too late to start again, anyway. I pray for more courage, strength, and faith this time. Amen.

276: Abstaining from Facebook

From https://arleneplacido.files.wordpress.com

This lent one of the things that I vowed to abstain from is accessing Facebook. To say, I'm one of those people who's consumed of knowing what's happening from the people I know, to knowing the current events. Facebook made things easy for me to know the latest news.

When I decided to abstain from Facebook I actually feared that I may end up breaking it, because Facebook became a habit. However, I was glad that during Ash Wednesday the priest who was conducting the homily said "God had given everything for you, because He loves you. Can you give up something little for Him?". It was right then and there that I told myself that I will be staying away from Facebook.

12 days after, there are few things that I realized:

1. Being unable to know the current updates from the people I know helps me from comparing my life to their life.
2. I am no longer the source of a gossip. With my lack of knowledge of what's happening to people's lives, I usually find myself ending up listening to people tell story of other people. 
3. I can focus on improving myself.
4. I actually have more time than I imagine.
5. Being away from Facebook and being constantly updated of news updates, people's rants, and reading of people's lives helps me achieve peace of mind.

When the lenten season ends, I know I will be back from Facebook. But what I am sure of is that I will end up lessening my activity there because the good things that I have learned from staying away from FB made me realized how much I won my life back.

This also reminds me that when we sacrifice something for Jesus, we get something much better. On my part, God gave me time.

269: 5 Important Things Life Taught Me Last Year

gif from vanityem

Before I finally let go of 2014, I have written the things that it taught me. Although, I have flinch while looking on my list, I told myself that I need to move on, and forgive myself for being unwise, and undisciplined. I believe last year was the best time to actually learn through failure and pain, so that I won't be making the same mistake in the future. Here are some of lesson that I have learned:

1. Think Before Making a Commitment

I am incredibly impulsive. I get too excited with ideas, and invitations. When someone invites me to go out of town, to attend a party, to join the upcoming sport activity -- I'll say 'yes' immediately without considering my schedule and the location. My friends used to taunt me that I am someone who cancels at the last minute or they wouldn't expect so much in terms of my appearance because I was already engaged in another event. It was embarrassing, and it makes me feel bad that I am losing the integrity of my commitments.

After I realized how many canceled invitations I have done, I told myself that I need to stop 'agreeing' on these invitations before people would lose their trust on my words. Now, I make it a habit to just say 'I'll check my schedule first', before I give my decision.

2. Time Management

'Time is Gold', damn the cliche but it gets truer as I age. Before, I used to think that I can manage my commitments all at same time. I can accomplish tasks because I have all the time in the world -- well, no. Now that I have started working, and have personal goals that I need to accomplish, I realized that it's a struggle juggling them all together. I can now relate to people saying that they don't have time doing extra things -- like exercising, cooking their own food, etc., because there isn't enough time to accomplish everything.

Time management is my Achilles heels. Being unable to manage time ruins my goal setting; that and add the unnecessary engagements are all that it takes to see everything falling apart.

Honestly, up until now it's still a struggle. I still have to work 9 hours, sleep for 6 hours, travel to work for 2 to 3 hours, and etc., so I'm still puzzled on how I can achieve everything. The solution I thought was distributing my goals in a week. Let's see if it works.

3. Doing Things Half-Heartedly

I have written before that most of things that I have agreed to work on felt like they were done half heartedly, that I was not able to put my heart on my craft. I think in most of the project that I have done, I was not able to say that 'I worked hard for this' -- that I have sleepless nights, and cried bucket of tears to make it work out.

This problem is the result of me being unable to manage my time. I noticed that my projects were done in haste. Often there was no timeline followed. Although, in fairness, even if some of my projects were done in a whim, I know I was able to exceed the expectation or at least met the expectations. But what's wrong with that is: I could not feel the sense of accomplishment. I could not call my projects as a 'breakthrough'.

4. Acknowledging Fear and Embracing It

I've always felt like I was hovering on the edge not knowing if I should take a leap of faith or not. Sometimes, I think I have 'taken a leap' when really it was just hop and not really diving head-on. I may have said about embracing and working on fear but really, I think most of the time I was just pretending to embrace it.

This fear is partially the reason why I am doing things half-heartedly, I didn't want to get hurt or get my craft rejected (knowing I poured my soul and heart on it) that's why I didn't want to exhaust everything I have so that if it gets rejected it wouldn't offend or hurt me.

5. Life is about Living

We are humans, and that we are flawed. As much as I want to live all the things I have learned on the personal development books, and conventions I took, I will still make a mistake. But making a mistake, and failing is only a small part of what makes this life colorful. I should be grateful that in spite of my failures I still have friends who are understanding, family that's supportive, and God who still provides tomorrow to start all over again. There are many missed opportunities, and wasted time but I still have another day to make up for my mistake and to become better. I learned how to forgive myself, and not to deprecate myself for my shortcomings.

Shakespeare once said 'The fault, ... , is not in our stars, but in ourselves.' 2015 would be the same as 2014 if I will not change myself. So, I already hold these lessons so close to my heart because I want my 2015 to be bigger and better than my 2014. I can only pray, hope, and wish but the answer is my attitude and by taking an action.

I'm ready 2015. I'm ready for you.

159: Learning to Ride a Bike and On My Blog's Future

Hihihi, I am happy that I am able to post this Saturday night. If you want to know, I am really sleepy at the moment but then I wanted to get this entry published,  because I have the spirit. I guess. :p

Anyway, my friend had asked me about this blog and she asked why I even bother since no one seems to be reading my entries. My friend had a point, why would I even bother blogging/writing about entries that I think no one ever reads? I told her that I certainly believe that maybe one percent or probably a point something percent stumbles here in my blog and the chances of having that audience read an entry means everything to me. Plus, I am doing this because I love writing, inspiring, and motivating. So I am doing this for my passion. :)

With regards to that, I decided to make an official Love, Leah blog. That place will be where I will dump my entries, articles on the net, blog entries I found on the net, videos created by others, and/or anything that I think would fit my Love, Leah mission/vision. I think doing that would at least fit everything. Not unlike at this page where my entries does not connect to my very past personal entries. hahaha!

You know, if there's anything that I want to share at this time it's the story of how I learned to ride my bike. 

To say, I love bicycles! I love how I see kids ride their bikes. It always gives me an impression that having a bike would take me to places. So, it was one of my dreams to learn how to ride a bike. I got a bike when I was a kid, but then my bike had training wheels. When I broke that bike, my parents did not get me one again. I was already on my 5th grade when my dad bought our mountain bike. So you see I am basically inept in riding. But I knew it was an opportunity for me to make my dream come true. So, I decided that I will start learning to ride a bike again even without training wheels. Gulp!

As expected, my first ride was bad. Ugly bad. I keep on falling on the ground. It was hard because I was small for our mountain bike that if I fell I wouldn't be able to use my legs as a support. So most of the time I end up injuring myself. 

But since I wanted so badly to learn how to ride it, I kept practicing. I rode my bike every day despite of the injuries that I get. I keep on telling myself that I'm sure I'll do better next time, and until one day ... I did. I no longer have to find a support (I always use our gate so I ride our bike so pretty close in our gate) and I was riding .... and I felt like I was flying. Yes, it took me to places. It made me feel the wind against my face. It was freeing. I loved how it felt when I realize that I was riding! I cannot explain the incredible happiness that I felt when I was riding so far without stopping.

Learning how to ride my bike was one of the most essential lesson I have learned in my life. I realized that if I wanted something so badly, regardless of the hard work and the pain ... it wouldn't stop me. Because I know I am determined to achieve it.

To determination!