142: Mixed Signal

Maybe I'm really naive. No, scratch that. I'm innocent when it comes to dating. I think I may have been played by mr. FC. You see, when we go out he's incredibly so flirty. When we talk on the phone he's very straight forward. It's not that I want him to flirt with me on the phone but somehow it makes me feel like as if we didn't share a playful banter. I even would have the urge to ask him if our date did even exists. 

Anyway, it doesn't really matter. I should - in fact - be thankful that we're not going anywhere; and that,  I won't be so paranoid that he wants me to be significant to him. Oh well, I'm back to my old self. Thank the Lord.

139: the 'little' late.

All the smoothness

"Will be a little late. Thank you"

Late. Will be a little late. I wondered how 'little' is the 'little late' will be. I always have problem with people with punctuality issues because first and foremost, the fact that you come late tells me that you give a 'little' to no respect of my time. I sighed and laid and my head against Starbucks' glass pane while clutching my cellphone hoping it's his neck that I am clutching.

Though, his tardiness should have pissed me off I got relieved by the fact that I will have more time to compose myself and to gather my wits before he arrive. I pulled out my planner and started to doodle until I almost filled one page of my planner. 35 minutes after, still no sign of him.

I wanted to get the 'discussion' done and over so I can get my sanity back on. I was daydreaming when I saw him standing on my peripheral vision looking at me - assessing. I beamed and greeted him. All of my annoyance now out off the window. How magnanimous am I?

"You look sexy on your clothes."

I rolled my eyes, hidden behind my smoky aviator shades. I dismissed his flattery by saying that I'm not really that sexy. Honestly, I didn't know that wearing a decent length shorts (okay, it's a little above the knee), a white t-shirt, with blazers on can be sexy considering the fact that that get-up is my usual get up: a walking shorts, comfy t-shirt, blazers, and walking shoes. How can it be sexy?

So there he sat on the couch besides mine, with a cute smile plastered on his face. Hello, Leah? Get hold on yourself. I shook my head and firmly remembered that I should not give in, that that smile can be dangerous.

Indeed it was.

138: The bus that hasn't arrived yet.

Where the hell is the bus?

There's really no point to be alarmed of the fact that I am 23 with no boyfriend nor with any potential serious suitors (flings are not included as serious suitors, :p lol).

No, really. I'm in no hurry to find one. I have set my priorities to enjoy myself at the meantime and make myself better. But it would be a hypocrisy to say that I never felt any jealousy or envy towards my friends who are in a serious relationship or are currently in relationship. I have my own longings too. I wanted to have what they have, but thinking about it makes me realize that relationship is the last thing I need at the moment.

To say, I am still in the point where I am enjoying 'life' and making myself better. I think it's all God's doing why there are no potential guys lurking around. He knew better than me. He knew that I tend to get too emotional and might get involve with someone pre-maturely, thus destroying His well-laid plans for me.

Well, I am incredibly patient, and I believe in His plans. The bus hasn't come yet, but I know deep inside that it will come in the right time, with a seat specially vacant just for me.

For this entry, I give you this feel good music by Des'ree entitled - You Gotta Be




photo taken from source

134: the strongest attraction I felt for the past few years

Do you ever believe in attraction at first sight? ~ because I simply do.

This is not the 'you find the person handsome/pretty at first sight and an instant like' nor the 'wow you are so hot i want to sleep with you' but rather the kind of feeling where in the moment you saw the person, you felt an intangible pull? The kind of feeling that you got suddenly so attuned of the person for unknown reason?

I cannot help but to grin and unconsciously tuck my hair behind my ear when my sister and I met this financial advisor for the investment that I am planning to buy. He's not actually that very handsome. He is rather a regular guy. But when he came in his blue crisp long sleeves, with black square patterned necktie, and shook our hands, I was charmed. Undeniably charmed.

While he was discussing investments with my sister (they are both in financial world, so they talk about technical stuff), I was observing him: He was neat, smelled great (he's not using a musky perfume! Thank God), his nails are neatly trimmed, and he was wearing a conservative silver watch. Quite a gentleman, and never boring. Plus, I thought his pre-matured gray hair suits him very well. I can absentmindedly listen to him talk about bonds, equity, and market all night long and stare at him and see if I can catch those lurking smile every now and then.

My ...

My God. I'm in trouble.

95: Letter: "Of course, I'll always be your friend."

A letter for him.

Hello,

Oh how I hate your email. lol. I have written you an email that was beautifully written - induced by my tipsiness and you did not get to read it. What a shame. lol. It's quite a long one and you can read it when you are bored. I liked how I wrote it. Anyway I sent it Sept 17, I hope you'd read it. And you definitely need to get a new email. 

Yes, I have been busy ... busy at the office and busy with life but of course I know how to balance things. I don't have to dwell in just working right?

About Steve Jobs' death, yes it's quite celebrated here too. A lot of people here are crazy about Mac products; and I'm one of them. We have this signature boards in Mac stores; there are people there giving flowers etc., I was totally moved by his death I couldn't help but give my Mac a caress upon hearing the sad news. Btw, have you bought iPhone4S? I wanted to buy one but I have to wait until it gets here.

*smiles* if you wanted a small dog you should have gotten dogs that do not grow so big. I love toy dogs. But I have another lab and i love her. I named her Michelle. I know it might sounds lame. She's quite too happy, bouncy all the time. I should have named her Tigger (from Winnie the Pooh character).

Of course, I'll always be your friend. I treasure great friends as what The Little Prince have taught me when I was a kid. Have you read that book? It's written by Antoine Saint-Exupery. It taught me a lot of things. To value things that cannot be seen. And of friendship.

“In one of those stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night. And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend...I shall not leave you.”

Anyway I have attached the picture of Mac store with sign boards; and a picture of myself taken by my friend. I was tipsy in that picture, while I was watching NFL at Friday's. Quite a sight eh? haha! In my next email I shall tell you of my friends. :)

Always,

57: Annoyed @ 7 AM

There's something so incredibly annoying today.

Have you have that feeling when you wake up you have that haunch that something is not right? I crunched my nose upon waking up and thought dreadfully that it's Saturday. Now here comes the uncertainty again; that feeling of not knowing what will happen.

I have dreaded the day because yet again I was embarrassed with myself.

Why did I even ... why did I ever agree to such conundrum? To such terrible headache and trouble? Well at least now maybe I can say what had Carrie Bradshaw had said ...

"I'll think of him fondly as an .......".

Am I bitter? No, really just embarrassed by the fact that I was hang up. hahaha.

Oh well, time to pull up that Miranda Priestly "I don't give a damn" hand shake.