Friday, October 24, 2014

260: Note to Self

If there's anything that I have learned is that we cannot depend our happiness towards others. We cannot depend our happiness to our partners, to our parents, to our friends, to people who's currently with us at the moment, because the thing is, all of them will eventually leave. They will go on their own life, they'd move on to another chapter that may not include us already. If we find happiness, and completeness with their presence, imagine how broken we are when they have left.

Monday, October 20, 2014

259: Run a Little Longer

If you've read my last post Failing Forward 2014 I have ranted how disappointed I was this year. But one of the things that could alleviate my disappointment is how I have performed in my running this year. 

To say, I have written about running once, and had mentioned it quite a few times already. It's only lately that I had fallen in love with the activity. I have hated everything about running because it's painful. But honestly, for the past few times that I had been running, I realized that it's not only about a habit, a sport, or a lifestyle, but it's also a meditation. It allowed me to reflect how the discipline about running applies to my life.

How I had been performing in my running is just how I had been in my goals, as one of serious runner told me -- albeit rather bluntly while I was ranting how painful my feet were after running for an hour: 
 "You know what? You're not in pain. If you are, you'd be sitting instead of walking. But you've been walking for a few meters already. You know what you are? You're lazy. And I'm telling you, if you are lazy right now in your running, you'd be lazy in other areas in your life as well. You better think about this, you claim you love running but you're lazy to work hard on it. How much more for other things that you claim to love doing? -- do it, go run! Don't stop until you know you have given everything." 
That comment went straight to me, and hit me hard at the heart. I realized that on everything I have ever did it was all half hearted. I realized that I never had done something where I have gave everything, gave my best effort; and that I how I had approached goals, and tasks were delivered without such gravity.

After hearing the comment, I ran. I ran, and ran until my lungs were pumping gas and my throat were on fire. I knew I had to do it, my life were already in spinning out of control, and running is probably the only (out of few) things that I have control over. I do not want to beaten here.

I joined the HP Run that was held last Sunday, I took the 10K run. To my surprise I was 20 mins early this time compare to my last year's record. I wanted to finish the race within an hour but at least even though I didn't, I broke my own record.

I love running, but I still hate the process. I hate how hard it is to run, the painful process that I had to go through before I reach the finish line, but the feeling of finishing a painful course made it all worth it. It's one of the (few) event that always made me feel so relieved, and grateful that finally I had arrived (in the finish line). I guess that's how it feels like when we have won, and I love that feeling; and that's why I love running.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

258: Failing Forward for 2014

The essence of man is imperfection. Know that you're going to make mistakes. The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does. Wake up and realize this: Failure is simply a price we pay to achieve success. - J. Maxwell
It's early to say this, but if I have to summarize how my 2014 had been, it's a decline. It's an opposite of how productive my 2013 was. The fault that I had with why I did not achieve that much this year is because of how I handled my goals. Most of those I have listed had no follow through. There was no time management involved as to when I should do them, and I basically left them all to the *right time* -- whatever that means.

Last month, when I checked on my supposed goals, I ended up really depressed about it. I realized that my year had been nothing but (felt) a straight line; there was no self-progression, no highlights, nothing spectacular, plus to make it worst, my goals at work was spiraling out of control! I was mortified when I did a performance review that I realized that for a year my *supposed goals* at work was all scattered.

There was really no one to blame but myself, and how I handled my targets. I guess I should have been smart about handling my time, wiser on my priorities, disciplined to do a follow-through, and faithful to my commitments.

I was on self-loathing, and on the edge of losing my optimism, faith, and hope that all of these are just a temporary set back. Boy, it was hard to pick up myself again and start again just as the sunrises on the morning.

On Recovery
In the midst of my self-hatred, hopelessness, I thought I had to recover once and for all. I thought if I continue to feel bad, and not move forward I'd be in the pit of shit that I had created for myself. So, the first thing I did was that I started reading personal development books. I started on a book that allows me to forgive myself which is: John Maxwell's Fail Forward and it has been an amazing self-help book. It taught me to look at a bigger picture than just dwell on what I had failed on.

Up to now, I'm still recovering but I am back on track. Starting with how I should look at this year. In-spite of the decline of my goals, I want to look at it as an achievement for finally allowing myself to make mistakes. I may had always been afraid to make mistakes and I guess this is the best year to experience it.

I'm looking forward to 2015 as a better person, a spring to my (2014) autumn.

Friday, September 26, 2014

257: Breathe Creativity

I have to confess, even though I am earning quite significantly well for someone on my age, and works on a multinational technology company, I would give it up to be talented and skilled in creative arts, and earn from it.

I want to excel in drawing comics, real life portraits, be a graphic designer, an illustrator, or just someone who breathes and eats fine arts and design. Just something in that damned area.
But I am not (well, not yet there). Instead, I have to deal with servers, warehouse management, change management, and all that jazzy reports you’d roll your eyes over. I am not ungrateful because it pays so well, but settling in this situation felt like a marriage of convenience instead of love (okay, okay too much historical romance reference — hahaha). I just want to create something, okay?!

But I have hope. I am still looking forward to leave the corporate world and immerse myself in colors and design. And I know I can make this happen because I can start some time, and there’s no such thing as too late, right?

And to end my babble, here’s a thought from Kurt Vonnegut:
"…go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

256: Sunrise @ Kuala Lumpur

Sunrise @ Kuala Lumpur, if there's something that I have noticed in (where I was) Malaysia it's that the life begins at 7AM. In fact, I have a photo where in by 6:00AM their street is still clear of cars and just few people are around. I'm not sure if it's because the sun rises quite later than in Manila. But whatever the reason maybe, I find it really tranquilizing. Soothing from the usual busy early mornings in Philippines. This is even more evident when we went at Putrajaya and stayed in Marriott; the hotel itself is dead by 5.30AM. The lobby is clear of door man, no staff in the reception area, and the lights are dimmed. Believe it or not, I think I didn't even see a guard roaming around the entrance of the hotel.

Don't take me wrong there's nothing wrong in busy mornings and relaxed ones. It just amazes me how different things are. This is what I love about in what I do, waking up in the morning and just experiencing foreign cities and I can do a comparison on where I currently am and where I live. Countries, cities have their own uniqueness. Didn't Marcel Proust once said that 'The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes'? And I found that quote true. Where I live in the Philippines, and where I was in Malaysia was like looking and experiencing an unfamiliar color for the first time.

Looking forward in waking up to a different city again next time.

See the rest of my photos on my Facebook
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