Wednesday, December 26, 2012

189: Street Photography.

It's official. I'm in love. I'm in love with taking pictures of the busy street life. I love how spontaneous the shots are, and how the picture can invoke a hidden meaning behind the shot. I hope to get the same result next time I visit a street to take picture. hehe :3

Enjoy the view. :)

Sunday, December 23, 2012

188: and I wrote while I bleed

1 o'clock and here I am bleeding on the blank sheet of my journal. Ideas seems to be evasive at the moment but the emotions were surfacing on my veins soaking the sheets with blood. 

Heart pumping ...
                    Mind racing ...
                               Palms sweating ...

... bleeding, bleeding until I have filled the sheet with blood. I laid down consumed. Dead.


I have an addiction of getting away (who doesn't anyway?). Whenever I see an opportunity to get away I'd take it. We have different reason why we enjoy escape. But what I particularly enjoy about it is because it gives me an opportunity to write on my journal undisturbed. I was lucky that my good friend Raisa had invited me to hangout in the hotel her family had checked in. So we had the room by ourselves. We stayed there drank an incredible amount of liquor, and while my good friend was sleeping on the couch I took the available time to write. 

To say, I was drunk when I wrote on my journal. I talked about my current emotions that has been plaguing me for few days already. I was writing, writing, writing until I slumped down on the chair and realized that I have exhausted myself writing. It was the first time I wrote with such intensity that I had my head spinning afterwards and was literally spent. 

But writing while in state of drunkenness has an amazing effects. haha.

I also did some sketching afterward. :) lol.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

187: Picture: Photowalk

My good friend Raisa and I had been doing photowalk for the past few days because we wanted to do better in photography. So the below images are the samples of the pictures that I have taken using my 14-44mm Lumix GF3 Panasonic camera.

Those were untouched btw. 

What I find challenging about doing these photowalk is finding a subject to take. What I really wanted to do is do an artistic street photography (see sample here) I blame the fact that I could not really take a picture of random people doing random things because I was afraid they might not like being photographed by strangers. Argh, but it's okay soon I'll be able to find out how I could do it. heh.

 Please let me know what you think. Thanks!

Monday, December 10, 2012

186: Self Loathing is the Way to Wake Up

'Francois Rabelais. He was a poet. And his last words were 'I go to seek a Great Perhaps.' That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeing a Great Perhaps
This book speaks to me so much, just as the previous book that I have read talked to me. I love the concept of being brave and going to a world we are not sure of. Throwing certainty to find adventure, find the treasure we are suppose to find. I read it because it was the kind of life I hope to take (soon!) I really loathe myself at the moment for being a coward.

What I really complain about is the fact that I was nurtured to take the 'careful' steps: to do well in life. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with this kind of upbringing, but then I thought of missed opportunities; of missing what life supposed to be. I mean okay, I'm employed in a well company, earning well. I can't say anything bad to where I am, but then again so what? So is this all what I will be until I left the world?

Does living well in the world all that it takes? Just that? Being employed and working hard? Will I work hard for the next 20 to 30 years of my life? What life is really all about? I just don't find any significance in living just to live. I think we are born to be something else. I just could not ducking figure out what. And this upsets me.

[update] hah, and then I see someone posted this video in my newsfeed. Life, you're talking to me.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

185: Elevator Situation Part Une

After a few seconds of waiting the elevator had finally beeped and opened. I went inside hitting the floor button where I intend to go. But when the door was about to close someone called 'wait!'. That voice only belong to that person; That voice whose pitch that could titillate my senses from afar. Even without seeing his face I knew whose voice it was from. I knew just as my heart knew that it should start pounding. 
'Hi!' I greeted almost awkwardly. 
And he stood there smiling sheepishly that had made my head spinning. I swear he knew that he could make my spirit dance a happy jig. 

~ cw

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

184: The Truth About My Forever ...

Sorry if the past few post had been random and almost blank. For the past of couple of days I find myself unable to express my thoughts, neither can I find a topic to talk about. I felt I was drifting away from myself because my mind was out of proportions.

You see I had laid out plans: All seemingly ~ actually ~ possible to be done, all promising. But I lack of action. I could not act out of fear. I fear that things might not fall on the right place, and I might lose what I cannot afford to lose. So yeah, I was hanging on the edge wanting to jump, but not taking a jump. I have finally had admitted this to myself. I am glad that I took a break for a couple of days and had a self-recollection, of the things I wanted. Now, I have a plan ~ again ~. But this time I'll make a difference: I'll be brave.


The book that I just finished was Sarah Dessen's the Truth About Forever. I love that book because I could relate so much of the protagnost. I felt like I was reading my story (minus the boys in the book), and it made me think. You should read it. This is one of the books that had made me rethink of my life so I guess that gives you an impression how much I adored it.
That was the thing. You just never knew. Forever was so many different things. It was always changing, it was what everything was really all about. It was twenty minutes, or a hundred years, or just this instant, or any instant I wished would last and last. But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening. Right then, as I ran with Wes into that bright sun, and every moment afterwards. Look, there. Now. Now. Now ~ Sarah Dessen

183: D E C E M B E R | WISH

*sigh* It's that time of the month again when we start being 'conscious' of the things we want. You know, there are a lot of things that I want ~ materially speaking ~ but there's this certain wish that I really want. But you ... what do you want? 

For me, I wish ...

... I wish that I will have the courage to follow my heart.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

183: Hello December!

Oh, hi December you came as a surprise!

182: a Moveable Feast Quote

“Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person died for no reason.”- Ernest Hemingway

Sunday, November 25, 2012

181: Pictures: Moments

“Do you know how there are moments when the world moves so slowly you can feel your bones shifting, your mind tumbling? When you think that no matter what happens to you for the rest of your life, you will remember every last detail of that one minute forever?” ~ Jodi Picoult; Nineteen Minutes
Picture: Moments will be one of my tags here in my blog. Due to my last post Sunset I had realized the importance of savoring memories so I wanted to dedicate entries that focuses on me picturing random moments. More on my flickr.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

180: Sunset

Don't you think that there's something so strangely saddening when we watch sunset? You know, I seriously love sunset than sunrise. Maybe it's the fact that I am a loner by heart, that's why sunset appeals to me more than sunrise. You might wonder why I associate 'loner' to sunset, but it's something that I have read that people who prefers sunset are lonely. Long story, don't ask. hah.

But I am writing about sunset because for the past few days there are a lot of things that has ended and has been ending. And sunset is the perfect reminder when something ends. It's a sad but basic truth: when something start, it has to end. Sunset and Sunrise. But you know it's a human nature (or so I think) that we do not try to dwell on endings. Thus, when we reach that point when something ended we felt surprised. We try not to embrace on the thought that probably the one sitting next to you will soon  be leaving your life. The one holding your hand at the moment will be letting go. Yes, admit it we never thought of such thing but it's an obvious and simple truth.

Okay we all know that things end, so the question now is there's nothing we can do about it? Yes, we might not be able to make something last forever. But memories does. It's so simple but sometimes we take it for granted. Cherish that something so important to us, make a memories. Cherish the moments with someone, with something while it lasts. ~

Monday, November 12, 2012

179: Inhaling a Lungful of Air

Hello dear fellow readers!

If you want me to be honest at this moment I feel hopeless. I know, I know entertaining this emotion is simply so contradictory of my so-called 'better-future project' but you know honestly, it's okay. I think it's okay to back down once in a while, to say that yes I'm human I can feel that sense of incredible hopelessness, that bleakness that seem to envelope me at the moment, that frustration and painful reminder that nothing has been happening to my plans. It's okay, because we are humans. I am a human. It's okay to feel. It's okay to embrace and acknowledge emotions. 

But you know in this moment even though I think nothing has been happening, that I think I haven't gotten there, that nothing has been happening, I'm not stopping. Yes, I am wallowing in this negative emotion but not to stop me from pursuing my dreams but to re-think of my strategy. 

While thinking about how I allowed myself to feel, it reminded me of how I felt when I climbed the mountain last month. During my climb, despite of how much I wanted to reach the destination in hurry I felt that need to stop. And you know it's fine. I thought I don't need to reach the top in a hurry. It will take time but I'll reach it if I just continue. So yes I allowed myself to take a rest, to relax, and allow myself to recuperate for a minute. But I did not stop. I continued until I got to the top.

And at this moment, this is what I am doing. There's no way I am backing down. I'm taking a lungful of air for a moment but I'll proceed.

To Perseverance, 

Saturday, November 3, 2012

178: November Storm

Don't we just love the beginning of a month? Seriously! Beginning of the month is the best reminder that yes, we could start all over again. And as usual, I start the month with a theme, so for this month I have entitled my theme as 'November Storm'. 

But you know it sort of give me a daunting feel when I re-read my theme's name. But the reason why I wanted to call it as such is because I feel like I am going through a storm this November. I blame that what had influenced me to aptly call my theme for this month as 'Storm' was because of the impending challenges in the office. 

Do not get me wrong I love the challenges that I have to face at work but I wouldn't deny that I dread the pressure and stress. Hence, just like in a storm, it's the process of preparing on the impending doom, getting over it and the lessons/rewards in the end. So, it was the right choice, and just like in every storm I have encountered (typhoon actually!) I'm positive that I'll get through it unscathed. 

~ ooo ~

Anyway, I'm proud to say that I have already bought my dream camera Panasonic Lumix GF3 and I'm having a great time experimenting it. You can see my practice shots @ my flickr. Let me know how I am doing. 

Last, I started going back on reading. I just finished reading Lois Lowry's the Giver (read my little thought about it) and I'm currently reading Sarah Dessen's The Truth About Forever. I think the Truth About Forever is promising. I am already in love with its quiet writing. :) 

Okay, I'll end this rant with Lowry's quote:

Sunday, October 28, 2012

177: Doing an Extra Step!

The past few weeks had really been a great challenge for me. For one thing, I have to design the interior for our event. And for another, the time allotted for me to work and the budget that's a little limited was honestly daunting.  Since the event was the first time for two teams to be together, I challenge myself to go way beyond "okay". I thought about wanderrgirl's 'Note to Self': Not settling for something good while I was brainstorming, I told myself that since I am the lead for the comms/marketing I might as well take the extra step. This is when I started juggling the thought if I could really do it even if I have too many responsibilities in my real role at work. 

The only solution that I could think about was that I could allocate some time. I thought that if my work starts at 8PM I could come at 6PM so I could start working on the decorations and not compromise my working schedule. Honestly, it was HARD. haha! I arrive home every 7:30AM, then I have to wake up around 2PM so I could arrive at 6PM in the office. But despite the sacrifices I have to say that I did enjoy every minute of working. 

So for three weeks of working on the decorations, for three weeks of not having a decent sleep I was glad it paid off very well. I am glad that I have added beauty to the event, that I did not only become a part of the gathering but participated to bring life and color in the party. I was involved.

Remember my post about "What can you do to help someone next to you?", this is it. I helped even on the simplest thing as decorating, and was fulfilling. Extending a hand without regrets, without demands, and just doing it for sheer happiness it can brought to people was an incredible, amazing feeling.

You know, just to end this a friend of mine asked me why I was doing it, she asked "eh, you're not being paid doing that why did you accept the task? Now, you're biting off more than you can chew. Give it to someone else.

Maybe it was my being ADHD or the fact that I am sort of a masochist that made me say, "On contrary, I actually enjoy it." But whatever it is I felt the resonating honesty (in my answer) deep within my soul. 

To constantly helping,

Sunday, October 14, 2012

176: Something to Think About

When I have a spare time or I am in no rush I try to visit 99u. For those who doesn't know 99u is a great source of inspiration and motivation. It has the same objective as Ted's: It fuels people how to make their ideas happen, to find inspiration to make something happen, to have a paradigm shift, et al., So a minute ago, I was browsing inside 99u and ended up listening to Simon Sinek's talk. This is the first time I heard about Simon Sinek but his talk about connecting to people had amazingly inspired me. His talk made me decide to pick up his book and become an instant fan. Why? Because I believe on what he believes. Watch his talk:

I seriously believe in this. I believe that one of the way we could live a fulfilled and happy life is when we help others. Have you help someone generously and feel that incredible feeling of sense of fulfillment every time we became the source of someone's hope, of someone's inspiration? I never had been so conscious until now that the reason why I love volunteering, helping, inspiring is because I get that sense of purpose, of fulfillment every time I encourage people to believe in their dreams.

So now the challenge to us my dear faceless readers is for us to seek in whatever way we could do to help others, generously without expecting a return.

To helping others!

Monday, October 8, 2012

175: Making My Dreams Come True


You know for the past few weeks that I have been reading Put Your Dreams to the Test it had inspired me to find courage in executing my dreams, albeit baby steps. When I go through the "dream test" (a self reflection questions regarding our dreams) page I think deep within myself and face all the facts. You know thinking about my dreams made me question 'why is it that it's so hard to put my dreams into reality?'. I have drilled down confronting myself why is it so hard? I have come up with reasons such as the following:
  1. I do not know how to get there
  2. I do not have the sufficient funds to finance my dreams
  3. I tend to delay
  4. It's not yet the time
  5. I'm busy
  6. Doubt
  7. Doubt 
  8. Doubt
I've repeated the 'doubt' because honestly, it was one of the things that had been mocking me every time I dream big. It seems like every time I say my dreams a self-mocking ghost would appear before me and say 'Who are you to dream so big?' or 'Oh come on you've got to be kidding!'. Then it would make me re-assess everything, then I'd delay and find excuses not to progress. 

Then, I had started praying. They say that God could change us. So I prayed. I prayed because I need some help. I told God to 'Provide me the courage to make my dreams come true' and my prayers were granted. I don't know, it's just one day I had that feeling of being ready to take chance. Now, I am ready to accept the challenges that will come my way because I no longer feel afraid. I kept on thinking and praying and convincing myself to take a chance and now I am taking the chance.

So yes, Eleanor Roosevelt I believe in the beauty of my dreams and I believe one day I could see it right infront of me. I am ready to see it blossom.

And to you my faceless readers, I hope one day you'll also find the courage to make your dreams a reality baby steps or whatnot! Let's talk send me an email or comment on this entry. :)

To Making My Dreams Come True!

Monday, October 1, 2012

174: a Reality Slap

Lately, life has been rubbing reality in my face. LOL. I mean literally. It's like life writes down all the things I have to deal with then BAM rubs the paper on my face so I could take in what I have to face in order to be a better person (or be the person I wanted to be). Then life would ask me if I still want to take the challenge. 

1. If you want to get there you have to sacrifice something.

Like what I have said before I have been reading John Maxwell's Put Your Dreams to the Test and I am currently in the chapter where in it talks about the 'Prices we have to pay for our Dreams'. I knew about this even before, heard about it all through my life. But even though I have heard about it, I was not able to take it seriously. I mean, why does it go that way? Is it really necessary to go through that kind of challenge in order to succeed? Can we not at least compromise? I had the mantra that maybe I can go through the road less traveled unscathed. But now I have come to face the fact that yes there are sacrifices I have to do in order to get there. Maybe I never thought about the sacrifices I have to do, but now ... it becomes more real when I got to that point when I realized that I have to do that in order to get that. 

2. Some people you love won't be so supportive.

Let's face it: YES this is a painful reality, but it's true. I told my parents that I wanted to give up my career in order to hone my artistic skills, but I did not get the support I thought I'd get. They are scared that my plans might not work and I would eventually fail. I re-assured them that it's okay for me, that I'd rather fail ... but they are very insistent that maybe I could just pursue my artistic skills part time. I did not want to cause them pain but I could see in their eyes how disappointed they are every time I mention about giving up my career for my passion. I'll always get their disapproval until ~ maybe ~ I become successful. Earning through the means of my passion. Until then they are not going to allow me to give up huge things, such as my career.

3. Going through the uncomfortable zones

I'm not exactly very extrovert. I'm not a sales person. I'd rather be inside my room than spend my time trying to sell my ideas to others ... these are the attitudes that I need to improve upon when I laid down what I wanted to do. It made me feel nauseous when I realize that I have to deal with those if I wanted to pursue my ideas. I have to take the risk of being rejected, of being laughed at, of people ridiculing my ideas, of people not believing in my capabilities ... I have to admit that it's going to be painful for me. I might not even take the blow. But it's the only way to make my dreams a reality.

When I read John Maxwell's book it made me realize why there are only few people who becomes the person they wanted to be. There are a lot of personal battles to win that sometimes we are not willing to take thus sometimes some people just give up or settle down where they are. 

I'm already in that phase of embracing the uncomfortable zone. It's taking mental and emotional preparation and acceptance since it's a personal battle. I do not want to give up along way despite the challenges. I'm telling you it's a tough battle because I have certain attitudes that I need to break. It's a painful adjustment. But I really believe it's worth it. I just hold on to God to be with me always.

Let's talk if you are going through the same experience! Comment or send me an email. :)

Sunday, September 23, 2012

173: I'm not Quitting!!

Book: "What are you passionate about? What is something that you do everyday that you do not need to exert effort, that comes so naturally?"
Me: er ... I do not know.
This is where frustration starts. All through out my younger days I always rely to my parents with what I have to do. They decide what's best for me or suggest what's best for me ... until I get to this point that I keep on depending on someone's decision, or waiting for a decision to fall on my lap. But you know when I realize this, I started sorting out my life and little by little I am starting to understand myself. 

If there's anything that I am really struggling about it's finding my sense of purpose. I really believe that we are born because we play a significant role in this world, and we are born with a talent that God had given us. This God given talent is what I have been looking for. In this moment of my life, I have a mission to find what God gave to me, and I am looking for them. 

Sometimes I am beckoned by the thought of just giving up and just go with the flow. But in the end of the day, I just could not settle on the thought of settling and doing what was expected of me. I want to live in this life living what I am passionate about. So, you know, I thought even though it's going to take me years and hell to find my passion I won't stop. Besides, I have nothing to lose right?

To Not Quitting!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

172: Of Persistence

So last week I was not able to post anything about my #BetterFuture project. The thing is I had been spending time really contemplating. Currently, I am reading John Maxwell's Put Your Dreams to the Test and I swear every time I progress on the book it never fails to make me think about my life. I love how detailed the book is about what we want to accomplish in life, how to accomplish it and how to live our dreams. The thing is I always had been confused with what I really want in life, maybe it's because I grew up depending on people deciding for me. I never took responsibility of my life. I lived on people's expectation, on my family's standards, until I lost myself along the way. But like I always said there's nothing too late. So now I happy that with the books that I am reading, it allowed me to look inside myself. And it made me discover what I am born to do. :)

What I have discovered is how I love arts. So yes, lately I had been spending time honing myself in that area. And although I encounter a lot of challenges and numerous frustration I keep on telling myself not to stop. Seriously, sometimes when I start watercoloring and or doing arts it never fails to make me nag myself that I couldn't get the result that I have inside my head. Then, the frustration will set in. But although I have all those negative feelings I am telling you, those negative feelings helped me to drive myself to be a better artist. Plus, the thought that one day I'll be best in this area if I keep on doing it just excites me. This quote, gave me hope that one day I'll be an expert too.

I started to appreciate persistence and the power it has if we live in it. I really believe that it's right that we are born to be winners if we are persistent, if we do not allow ourselves to give up and just continue pursuing what we want in life despite challenges. Passion will bring us success.

I am still in progress and still continue learning about myself about my passion but I am persistent to reach my peak. I hope this for you too.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

171: Oops.

I actually missed a post last weekend for my weekend #betterfuture project. To be honest, I intentionally did not write anything last weekend because of reasons. I do not want to start making excuses for myself why I did not post, but I just didn't. Circumstances and the fact that I had been investing my weekend thinking made me skip writing. But I'll go back writing this weekend and I finally have an *idea* what to write about. It's about something that I had been thinking for the past several days. I hope it's relatable. :)

Anyways for the past few days I had spent more time watercoloring and (finally!) really do something. I love that I never ran out of things to do during weekend. It's the only time that I work on personal stuffs. I do this because my weekdays are consumed with me working and taking a rest. So, I am really happy that I am productive during weekends. Besides, it's also the only thing that keeps me working towards my *personal* goals.

To share to you some of the things I did, here they are:

I align my monthly goals to my themes. For this month, my theme's called: September Sunrise.
I named it "Sunrise" because this month I encountered a lot of new things.
Sunrise is just a perfect reminder of new beginnings for me.

The rubber stamp I made using eraser! I always wanted to have my own stamp so 
I carved this little eraser that I have with my initials. It did not come out bad as I thought it would be.
Plus, it's not hard to do. I also made a batman logo stamp right after I realized that I can do it.

I'm telling you, my planner is amazingly filled with "stuffs".  It's filled with drawings and colors.
I started vandalizing it and it was fun. I like that I am putting a touch of myself on my planner. 
Oh btw, the one on top was also done on my planner. Coolness right?

Okay, so that's it for me for now. I'll be back this weekend. Ciao.

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