Saturday, March 31, 2012

144: Picture: I Can Do This

Yes, I can do this. 

I can do all the things that I want to do. 
With determination, I can do this.
I can do anything.

143: Wanted: Car

I need a car.
vroom, vroom 

This thought suddenly came when I realized how hard it was to commute going to this particular dermatology clinic at Alabang. Going there is hassle, leaving there was more hassle. After I got my face pricked and cleaned, my sister and I realized that the mode of transportation we both have is to ride a jeep. The thought of riding a jeep right after facial cleaning was horrible. But, unfortunately, it was the only option we had at the moment. So we did.

Car is not exactly a luxury because it can come very handy in some cases. I'm not exactly a car enthusiast. I love commuting because I can relax while waiting for the bus to stop on my destination. It also frees me from gas and toll worry. So the thought of getting a car was not exactly appealing to me.

However, as I grow little by little, and the places I go to no longer consist of two points, the need of a car arises. I'm telling you it's not the fact that I wanted luxury but rather the convenience of having the means to go to certain places without worrying about make-up melting, about available seats, what next to ride to get certain place, pollution, about sweating excessively before getting to the location, and the list goes on.

To say, we have a car but my father owns it; and it's not really advisable to use his car just because first, he gets a little too jumpy on idea of us borrowing his car. Second, I believe he thinks that we are going to get the car few scratches. Besides, I never really like borrowing my father's stuffs. Hence, borrowing is out of the subject.

But it's fine. I believe that I can get myself a car. I can do it. I can do this. How easy can it be?

Thursday, March 29, 2012

142: Mixed Signal

Maybe I'm really naive. No, scratch that. I'm innocent when it comes to dating. I think I may have been played by mr. FC. You see, when we go out he's incredibly so flirty. When we talk on the phone he's very straight forward. It's not that I want him to flirt with me on the phone but somehow it makes me feel like as if we didn't share a playful banter. I even would have the urge to ask him if our date did even exists. 

Anyway, it doesn't really matter. I should - in fact - be thankful that we're not going anywhere; and that,  I won't be so paranoid that he wants me to be significant to him. Oh well, I'm back to my old self. Thank the Lord.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

141: fact.

140: Good News: Our Sins Are Not Recorded!

Good News in my Email

Hebrews 8:12
12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness,
and their sins and their lawless deeds
I will remember no more.”

I once read a comic book which showed how a man lusted after a woman, then died of a heart attack and went to heaven. In heaven, he saw a big screen showing everyone present a recording of all the sins which he had committed while on earth, including the last one. How embarrassing!

Don’t worry, that is not going to happen to you in heaven. There is no big screen with front-row and circle seats for everyone to sit and watch your past sins. There is no video recorder in heaven recording your sins right now. Because your lifetime of sins has already been punished in the body of Jesus, God declares to you, “Your sins and lawless deeds, I will by no means ever remember!”

This is true even for the Old Testament heroes of faith such as Abraham, Moses and David. If you read Hebrews 11, which was written after the cross of Jesus, you will notice that there is no record of their sins or failures. Yet, their life stories tell us that they were far from perfect.

Abraham lied twice about his wife Sarah. He told Pharaoh, and later, King Abimelech, that she was his sister to protect his own life. Moses killed an Egyptian who was beating a Hebrew, and hid the body in the sand. David committed adultery with Bathsheba and later arranged for her husband to be killed in battle. Yet, their sins were not recorded in Hebrews 11, only their deeds done in faith!

God is showing you that He does not record your sins or failures today. Instead, He records your faith confessions and deeds done in response to what His Son has done for you. Every time you sin, every time you waver in your faith, God does not record it. But every time you believe Him and respond in faith, He records it! That should not make you want to sin more. It should free you to love God more!

So don’t be conscious of your failures. If God Himself does not remember them, who are you to remember them? Be conscious instead of your righteousness in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21), and you will reign in life! (Romans 5:17)

From Pastor Prince @ New Creation Church

Monday, March 26, 2012

139: the 'little' late.

All the smoothness
"Will be a little late. Thank you"

Late. Will be a little late. I wondered how 'little' is the 'little late' will be. I always have problem with people with punctuality issues because first and foremost, the fact that you come late tells me that you give a 'little' to no respect of my time. I sighed and laid and my head against Starbucks' glass pane while clutching my cellphone hoping it's his neck that I am clutching.

Though, his tardiness should have pissed me off I got relieved by the fact that I will have more time to compose myself and to gather my wits before he arrive. I pulled out my planner and started to doodle until I almost filled one page of my planner. 35 minutes after, still no sign of him.

I wanted to get the 'discussion' done and over so I can get my sanity back on. I was daydreaming when I saw him standing on my peripheral vision looking at me - assessing. I beamed and greeted him. All of my annoyance now out off the window. How magnanimous am I?

"You look sexy on your clothes."

I rolled my eyes, hidden behind my smoky aviator shades. I dismissed his flattery by saying that I'm not really that sexy. Honestly, I didn't know that wearing a decent length shorts (okay, it's a little above the knee), a white t-shirt, with blazers on can be sexy considering the fact that that get-up is my usual get up: a walking shorts, comfy t-shirt, blazers, and walking shoes. How can it be sexy?

So there he sat on the couch besides mine, with a cute smile plastered on his face. Hello, Leah? Get hold on yourself. I shook my head and firmly remembered that I should not give in, that that smile can be dangerous.

Indeed it was.

Monday, March 19, 2012

138: The bus that hasn't arrived yet.

Where the hell is the bus?

There's really no point to be alarmed of the fact that I am 23 with no boyfriend nor with any potential serious suitors (flings are not included as serious suitors, :p lol).

No, really. I'm in no hurry to find one. I have set my priorities to enjoy myself at the meantime and make myself better. But it would be a hypocrisy to say that I never felt any jealousy or envy towards my friends who are in a serious relationship or are currently in relationship. I have my own longings too. I wanted to have what they have, but thinking about it makes me realize that relationship is the last thing I need at the moment.

To say, I am still in the point where I am enjoying 'life' and making myself better. I think it's all God's doing why there are no potential guys lurking around. He knew better than me. He knew that I tend to get too emotional and might get involve with someone pre-maturely, thus destroying His well-laid plans for me.

Well, I am incredibly patient, and I believe in His plans. The bus hasn't come yet, but I know deep inside that it will come in the right time, with a seat specially vacant just for me.

For this entry, I give you this feel good music by Des'ree entitled - You Gotta Be

photo taken from source

Saturday, March 17, 2012

137: Do the Inevitable

"Open your legs wider".

I looked up at the ceiling as I widen my legs apart. I bit my lips due to nervousness while I muttered "Good Lord" to myself. So this is it. This is how the process I have to undergo to cure the irregularity of my period. It has been a long battle of hormonal imbalance that I decided to take an action.

This post, however, is not about my hormonal imbalance nor how awkward the whole test I had taken.

But this is the post where I wanted to share the importance of taking an action and battling procrastination.

It was 2:30 in the afternoon. I just slept for 4 hours after my 5AM shift. I got home around 7 AM, slept and woke up by 11:30AM. I retried sleeping around 1:30 PM and decided that I will wake up 2:30 PM -- in time for my appointment.

Believe me, 2:30 PM with the scorching heat of the sun and my lack of sleep, I was battling with procrastination. What I wanted to do during that time is to lie down on my bed and gain back the lost and lack of sleep that I have. However, I told myself that it's important that I attend my appointment now. It's important for me not to delay.

Even though I was so lazy, I told myself that there's really no difference if I do it now or later, either way I would end up doing it. So why don't I just do it now instead? This is one of my wake up thoughts that lead me to make an action.

I realized that if I have to do the inevitable, I should just do it as early as I can so that inevitable can be easily done.

You, my faceless reader, should also do the same. If there are things you have to accomplish, things you will be eventually doing, do it as early as you can either way you'll be doing it.


Sunday, March 11, 2012

135: Hitting Myself with A Hammer

Does it really feel so good to hit ourselves with hammer?

Why do we do things that we know that are not good for ourselves? Do we do it because it gives us a minute - a second of happiness? Because it make us feel good?

This is one of the question that I have asked myself while I was staring at my mobile phone. I know what I am doing is treading on to trouble, yet I know I am going to do it. I am going to do it because it feels good. I am going to do it because I wasn’t thinking of the consequences, because I was savoring the selfishness of my action.

I felt no remorse about it, because I am thrilled about the thought of it. Though the guilt is slowly sinking in, pushing me back, I know I will be ignoring it.

Yes, it feels good but the guilt is killing me. But do I really care at the moment?

I know where my point of weaknesses are. THIS thing. THIS thing is just exquisitely tempting to me. I must fight all the urges, but I know I will not. This is where I am weak at.

I shook my head and placed the phone back on the table, with a message telling me that my message was sent.


Thursday, March 8, 2012

134: the strongest attraction I felt for the past few years

Do you ever believe in attraction at first sight? ~ because I simply do.

This is not the 'you find the person handsome/pretty at first sight and an instant like' nor the 'wow you are so hot i want to sleep with you' but rather the kind of feeling where in the moment you saw the person, you felt an intangible pull? The kind of feeling that you got suddenly so attuned of the person for unknown reason?

I cannot help but to grin and unconsciously tuck my hair behind my ear when my sister and I met this financial advisor for the investment that I am planning to buy. He's not actually that very handsome. He is rather a regular guy. But when he came in his blue crisp long sleeves, with black square patterned necktie, and shook our hands, I was charmed. Undeniably charmed.

While he was discussing investments with my sister (they are both in financial world, so they talk about technical stuff), I was observing him: He was neat, smelled great (he's not using a musky perfume! Thank God), his nails are neatly trimmed, and he was wearing a conservative silver watch. Quite a gentleman, and never boring. Plus, I thought his pre-matured gray hair suits him very well. I can absentmindedly listen to him talk about bonds, equity, and market all night long and stare at him and see if I can catch those lurking smile every now and then.

My ...

My God. I'm in trouble.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

133: A Visit From Sister and an Impromptu Beach Get Away

There was quite a lot of things that have happened for the past few weeks. First, my sister arrived from Singapore. I took a leave in the office so I could savor the days she spent at home. During the time that she was here we spent nothing but talk about business, success, happiness, and God. I - seriously, seriously love love talking to my sister about this stuff; because it makes me feel wiser and humbled. I love how she continues to nurture me with her wisdom and her faith. I love how we talk because talking to her about dreams, ambitions, and plans stimulates me and makes me realize how possible it is.

I have have a wonderful relationship with my sister. She and I have been each other's confidante, and each other's best friends. She's my anchor in this world. ☺

To give you an idea, my sister is a helluva ambitious. So during those time we have been planning our future success in life. lol.

During our "planning" session @ UCC cafe

My sister did not stay long and had to go back to Singapore, but not until we found myself an insurance company to invest in, help me understand some things in financial world, had our facials together, dined out, and had lectured me of my relationship with God. It was indeed fun. 

She have left last Feb 26, 2012. *sigh*

Next, my friends and I had an impromptu beach get away last Feb 28, 2012. My friend, Joy had texted me Feb 26, 2012. I have ignored it because it seems a little too hasty. I thought that the plan was too unplanned and realized the likeliness that it wouldn't happen. But then last Feb 27, 2012 she made a follow-up text literally begging me to go with her -- not to disappoint her because she has to bathe in a salt-walter because of her skin - condition which is a Psoriasis

I was waiting for mr. FA when she texted me. I was titillated because I like the idea of hitting the beach, and her statement "I wanted to relieve some stress too" beguiled me. So I texted some friends and passed the invitation. It was unfortunate that four of my girl friends were not able to join us because they have work. But we were glad that we were able to push through with our plans. Here our pictures:

The past few days had been really packed for me. I met with few people to deal business with, hangout with my friends, and literally go-nuts with the whole idea of investments and future planning. I love learning, discovering, and doing new things. It excites me how much I didn't know about the world. 
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