Saturday, October 29, 2011

98: A fix.

I do not know whether to laugh or do a face palm right now.

It's just that I realized that most of entries here contains some grammatically incorrect sentences and has a bunch of typos.

My dear readers I do apologize; because sometimes I do not proofread. I publish whatever came out. haha!

But I'm a bit embarrassed. So I'll try to iron things in the future. ☺

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

97: Link: Be Inspired

It's a surprise what we find at the net. Someone in my facebook was tagged in this particular photo that led me to this incredibly awe-inspiring group, the Daily Inspiration and Motivation. I looked around at the group and was inspired indeed.

Please do go and join the group.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

96: The Week that Was

Okay so there's a lot of things that I must share with you. But first and foremost was my TPR presentation. TPR presentation is "Training Progress Report". Basically the new hires at HP (Hewlett-Packard) are required to present to the managers and team leaders the updates of how their first 6 - 8 months went with the team.

I received the invitation last week friday. It all came a sudden that surprised me. I was not expecting that I would be presenting this Wednesday (October 19). But though it came by a surprise I felt no fear; but I must admit I was alarmed. There are few things that had alarmed me; like what I should report, if my content is suffice, or if I would meet their approval.

Their position in the industry had intimidated me, but I've prayed. I prayed for God's guidance. In the end, my presentation went smooth and actually surpassed my expectation. In which I have to thank God for that.

I was blessed.

Second, the impediments of love story. There are times that I think that I was pursuing this guy so much that he cannot return the effort I was giving. But first I do not want to confuse you. You see, this guy and I had a past. It did not work well just because of a lot of things getting between us. But I think if I am free to love .... things would go our way, but it didn't. So now I thought if I could keep him as a friend, maybe eventually ...

So I am trying to gain back his friendship because who knows ... if we're able to keep in touch for long, we might end up soon.

But *sigh* to say, sometimes I feel like I was pushing myself too much. ☹

Then I received the post-card from my well beloved friend from Denmark. I woke up and someone had placed the post-card beside me. So it was the first thing I have seen. It was such a beautiful way to wake up.

My officemates and I went to Serendra last friday. It was unexpected. We got there around 11 o'clock and most of the shops were closed already. We were lucky to be able to get a dinner at Claw Daddy and buy a cupcake from Sonja's. It was a lovely treat for ourselves.

Lastly, I enjoyed my colleague's coffee. It's funny! She makes her coffee in odd measurements. She would take a regular cup of  hot water, then a pint of powdered coffee and quite a spoonful of sugar. If you look at the cup, it wouldn't give you an idea that what's inside is a coffee. You can actually mistake it for a tea because of its lightness. But I enjoy the taste.

The coffee

Oh well that's all that has been on my weekdays. It was abrupt but it was fun.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

95: Letter: "Of course, I'll always be your friend."

A letter for him.


Oh how I hate your email. lol. I have written you an email that was beautifully written - induced by my tipsiness and you did not get to read it. What a shame. lol. It's quite a long one and you can read it when you are bored. I liked how I wrote it. Anyway I sent it Sept 17, I hope you'd read it. And you definitely need to get a new email. 

Yes, I have been busy ... busy at the office and busy with life but of course I know how to balance things. I don't have to dwell in just working right?

About Steve Jobs' death, yes it's quite celebrated here too. A lot of people here are crazy about Mac products; and I'm one of them. We have this signature boards in Mac stores; there are people there giving flowers etc., I was totally moved by his death I couldn't help but give my Mac a caress upon hearing the sad news. Btw, have you bought iPhone4S? I wanted to buy one but I have to wait until it gets here.

*smiles* if you wanted a small dog you should have gotten dogs that do not grow so big. I love toy dogs. But I have another lab and i love her. I named her Michelle. I know it might sounds lame. She's quite too happy, bouncy all the time. I should have named her Tigger (from Winnie the Pooh character).

Of course, I'll always be your friend. I treasure great friends as what The Little Prince have taught me when I was a kid. Have you read that book? It's written by Antoine Saint-Exupery. It taught me a lot of things. To value things that cannot be seen. And of friendship.
“In one of those stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night. And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend...I shall not leave you.”
Anyway I have attached the picture of Mac store with sign boards; and a picture of myself taken by my friend. I was tipsy in that picture, while I was watching NFL at Friday's. Quite a sight eh? haha! In my next email I shall tell you of my friends. :)


Sunday, October 16, 2011

94: A Feast of No One

Today we celebrate the feast of our patron. 10 years ago, celebrating feast had been a chaos (in a good way). There are street dancings, bands, majorettes, tourists, and etc., the cacophony of the street noise would never fail to make you feel that it is indeed a celebration.

But as they say, things change. Today, as we celebrate the feast our street is not packed with tourists' cars. There are no street noise, no dancing, no singing., It would seem that people had outgrown the tradition.

10 years ago, we would have our relatives coming over. Today, we only had our grandmother's sister visiting. She did not even bother to stay long. I guessed that she had stayed only in courtesy to my father. Last year, none of his relatives came and he outraged at them saying that he had prepared for them yet they did not bother to come. He felt snubbed.

It did not bother me that we did not have many visitors or there are no street parties, but I wouldn't deny that it made me sad to think how others had gone indifferent to a day where everyone in the family get together, thank the patron, and have a good time.

93: Downton Abbey: Anna Smith and John Bates

“I’ll be patient and bear anything … except for you to go away again.”
- Anna Smith to John Bates

92: untitled apathy

Every time I think about him I couldnt help but feel this incredible sense of longing. I know we both didn't promise anything to each other, so holding him to remain steadfast is impossible. I knew even before the chances of him meeting someone else is just great. I know I should prepare myself for possible separation and keep in mind that we are not bind by commitment. I do not want to hold him because it would seem selfish of me. I know if I did. I would be oblige to give him things that I am not ready to give yet; and I know that I wouldn't give him anything. Then, possibly, he will likely to end up hating me; because I had been coward to love him fully.

It's saddening because everything is suppressed. It's saddening because he was the best thing that had happened to me. Now, things seems to wither. But this does not mean that I no longer have any hope because I still do. Besides, I really believe that if we are meant to be, the world would conspire for us to get together eventually.

Let's just wait and see what will happen. But I wouldn't deny that I love him plenty. ♥

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

91: Because God brought her to me

How unlikely.

Earlier, while I was in the bus there was this distressed old lady who needs to go home to her hometown. She had traveled to our place to go to her daughter to tell that her father was dead but unfortunately she was not able to meet her because her daughter was forced out in her place. Now, the old lady does not know where she lived. She had traveled a few miles with a few money on pocket just to share to her daughter the sad news but her journey was put in vain.

She went through the municipality to ask where her daughter is but the people there told her that they don't know where she is already. I believed she asked for help but I think no helped was given to her. She wanted to get home because there's no longer a point to stay in our town.

Unfortunately, she was left with 15 pesos on her own pocket. She rode the bus despite her lack of money, I guess she was relaying to people's compassion. The bus controller didn't allow her to ride despite her begging. I was sitting on the same row with her but on another corner in the bus. I was not able to understand what they were talking about. I thought they were discussing about her senior citizen card but apparently they don't.

The bus was nearing Ayala station, where I would be dropped off. Since the seat next to me was available (my brother had just took off in Magallanes) the old lady sat beside me. When she sat next to me, she told me what happened. She told me she had no money to ride the bus and that she was only lent by the lady who sat in front of us. She told me she asked the lady she sat next to but was snubbed. I couldn't believe that the lady she sat next to was incredibly insensitive. Maybe she was being cautious of giving money but the lady was in serious need of help. If the old lady failed to pay she would be throne out of the bus. Good thing the lady who sat in front of us saved her by lending her an additional 40 pesos (Pacita - Ayala fare).

She asked me where Ayala was and if I'll be stopping there. I told her that I will. She asked me where El Shaddai was. I told her I don't know. Then she told me that she would like to see Mike Velarde (of El Shaddai) to ask for fare so she can go back to her home town.

My first thought was she was going to do something impossible. First, she wouldn't be allowed by Forbes Park body guard to pass through. Second, she has no idea where Mike Velarde lives. I was a little distracted as I tried to asses her situation, but she got my attention back when she ranted about people's insensitivity. She was fighting her tears when she was telling me how she felt. I was moved by compassion. It didn't sink all to me until I realized how serious her dilemma is.

I was a little reluctant, but the fact that if this old lady is not going to be helped by anyone, chances are she's going to be a street beggar. The moment she sat beside me and tell me her story, I knew that it came to me that I have to help her. I'm not a rich person. I'm not sure if I can help her but I have to know how much her fare is -- so I can help. I asked her how much she needed I was hoping she wouldn't say something more than a thousand but I am willing. Then she said her fare would cost her 380 pesos.

What a relief.

Without thinking twice, I told her to come with me because I have to withdraw a few cash. Her first concern was where will I bring her. I almost wanted to giggle because suddenly, I feel like a villain but I assured her that I am not taking her anywhere I just need to go to the nearest ATM machine.

When she knew that she was being rescued she couldn't help but be so grateful that she kept on saying that God had brought me to her. She also gave me a motherly peck on the cheek and patted my hair. She told me that she works in their church and then I knew that God had sent her to me. I knew God knew that I can help her and He knew that I would not turn my back to someone who needs me.

I have handed her the cash she needed and a meal from KFC and I gently told her not to lose the money she's holding because she might not get back home. She embraced me and I embraced her back. I have hailed her a bus to take her on the next stop and saw her settled there.

I don't know if she will get back to her hometown. She got to the bus going to Cubao around 7 PM. She told me that she would be travelling for 5 hours. Let's face it, she's travelling from Manila to Isabella at night. I couldn't help but worry until now. God only knows the evil lurking in this country. But I know that she will be safe. I know God will protect her with his wings.

I will never know if she got safe but I know God will.

“Thank You, Father, no evil shall befall me nor shall any plague come near my dwelling,” 
(Psalm 91:10)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

90: Melancholia

I should have written about this few days ago.

Melancholia. This is what I have been feeling for few weeks already. My state had been in gloomy. What had caused for me to feel like this is because I feel alone. I couldn't think seem to whisk away the feeling of loneliness despite of how I tried to find a diversion.

I feel out of place in the world. I feel away from everyone. The only time I feel ever close to someone is when I am around my friends. Being around them had been a temporary tranquility. A doze of my medicine just so I wouldn't dwell so much of my depression.

Home is not even a home already. I feel drifting away from my family. There are buried skeletons in our own closets that we are not willing to let go. This causes for me to shield myself away from them. My family and I pretended that it does not exist. Maybe it's better that way. Maybe it's better to keep it all hidden in the closet than to take it out and end up in melodramatic play. Drama is definitely something that I do not need at the moment.

I conceal bleakness by looking thoroughly happy. People who does not know me would even see me as a happy person; but for those who had known my heart (and they are so few) would know that I am dead inside.

I need this to stop. I need to find my equanimity. 

Monday, October 10, 2011

89: Steve Jobs

1955 - 2011

88: Menage.

Menage/Erotica are my guilty pleasures. I wanted to understand how could anyone get into this kind of sexual lifestyle. But so far as erotica is concern what really beguiles me is the menage. I guess ... menage is just taking pleasure to higher level. Observing and imagining how the pleasure can be brought by having two partners giving/receiving pleasures is just overwhelming. I guess that's why some prefer it. Can love exist? --- I'm not entirely sure but I'm skeptical. That's why when the heroine/hero (1st person), talks about being in love I couldn't help but roll my eyes because it felt like s/he was more in lust rather than in love.

When menage takes place, for me, it's all about lust. Gratifying the lustful side of one's self. Why? Well you are receiving pleasure from two person. Not exactly the spell binding, outpouring love between a couple that needs to be released physically.

I'm a romantic/passionate person thus this is why menage never appeals to me. Three is a crowd. It will never be romantic.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

87: Writer's block.

I had been diminishing. As time goes by my writing skills has been slowly withering; like a tree going to an autumn phase. Seeing my entries this year was disappointing compare to my previous years. During those times, writing had been a sole companion. A loyal and encouraging reader. But now, I felt like a stranger to my own journal. 

The feelings that I want to write about becomes a struggle. There would be times that I would find myself having a hard time composing. I don't know what's happening but recently ... it had always been like that. 

I am becoming more and more frustrated with writing because I no longer write like how I used to. If before, I felt running towards my journal. Now, I feel like running away from it. Now, writing is becoming a task that I am compelled to do, rather something I am free to do. 

There was no one to blame in my shortcoming but myself. I hope I can go back.
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