259: Run a Little Longer

If you've read my last post Failing Forward 2014 I have ranted how disappointed I was this year. But one of the things that could alleviate my disappointment is how I have performed in my running this year. 

To say, I have written about running once, and had mentioned it quite a few times already. It's only lately that I had fallen in love with the activity. I have hated everything about running because it's painful. But honestly, for the past few times that I had been running, I realized that it's not only about a habit, a sport, or a lifestyle, but it's also a meditation. It allowed me to reflect how the discipline about running applies to my life.

How I had been performing in my running is just how I had been in my goals, as one of serious runner told me -- albeit rather bluntly while I was ranting how painful my feet were after running for an hour: 

 "You know what? You're not in pain. If you are, you'd be sitting instead of walking. But you've been walking for a few meters already. You know what you are? You're lazy. And I'm telling you, if you are lazy right now in your running, you'd be lazy in other areas in your life as well. You better think about this, you claim you love running but you're lazy to work hard on it. How much more for other things that you claim to love doing? -- do it, go run! Don't stop until you know you have given everything." 

That comment went straight to me, and hit me hard at the heart. I realized that on everything I have ever did it was all half hearted. I realized that I never had done something where I have gave everything, gave my best effort; and that I how I had approached goals, and tasks were delivered without such gravity.

After hearing the comment, I ran. I ran, and ran until my lungs were pumping gas and my throat were on fire. I knew I had to do it, my life were already in spinning out of control, and running is probably the only (out of few) things that I have control over. I do not want to beaten here.

I joined the HP Run that was held last Sunday, I took the 10K run. To my surprise I was 20 mins early this time compare to my last year's record. I wanted to finish the race within an hour but at least even though I didn't, I broke my own record.

I love running, but I still hate the process. I hate how hard it is to run, the painful process that I had to go through before I reach the finish line, but the feeling of finishing a painful course made it all worth it. It's one of the (few) event that always made me feel so relieved, and grateful that finally I had arrived (in the finish line). I guess that's how it feels like when we have won, and I love that feeling; and that's why I love running.