267: For 2014.

Quote from Haruki Murakami's book Kafka on the Shore ; I own the Photo

Happy Holidays my dear loves. Just a few days from now we are wrapping 2014. If you've seen my posts for the past few months most of them are about how seemingly my year had been. I have admitted on my post (Fail Forward 2014) that this year had been a decline.

To say, I have two options on how I would call my 2014: a.) it sucks or b.) pure lessons. I have seen Facebook statuses that others call this year as 'it sucks' and how they want the year to end. But I refuse to agree, I'd say that this year was pure lessons, but lessons through pain. Although, there were many expectations and (personal) goals that were not met, it taught me what my weaknesses were, and how to be resilient. I'm actually glad that for these failures because I guess if I did not encounter them I would have not address what my weakness was.

I was able to tell myself to take a pause and assess the situation as my goals were clearly spinning out of control. I have come to acknowledge my problems and led me to understand myself better. Now, I've started to list down my goals for next year and before I list down the items I would reflect if I can really commit to these tasks. All items I've listed were not limited because of my weakness but rather assessed and listed according to my priorities.

Looking at my goals I can only cross my finger and think of what I want in the end, so I am more hopeful this time. So 2014 might have been painful but seriously, I am grateful for the failed expectations, for lost love ones, and for the heart breaks.I am now ready for 2015. Je Suis Prest.

266: Because Christmas is Love

Christmas is just a few days around. I am so excited for Christmas just like any other kid (okay, like as if). I love how people are getting all crazy buying gifts for their love ones. To say, I haven't done my Christmas shopping yet. I am looking forward to go shopping this weekend with my good friend. Wish me luck, considering how crazy the malls are recently. But I am excited nonetheless.

One of my traditions during Christmas is to watch Love Actually, I don't want to go into the details of the story, but the gist was that it focuses on couples dealing with their love lives. The story was straight to the point, plus the ending just gives me goosebumps as it features people in the airport greeting, kissing their family while it plays Beach Boys' God Only Knows. AH! My heart. My Good heart. Every time, every time that movie ends it never fails to make me all mushy. Go and watch because the movie was a good feel one. :)

265: Remember Me

Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood is breaking my heart into million pieces. Go, go read it the words were stitched up so wonderfully I can cry.

264: Just Around the Corner

Earlier today, I decided to go to our plaza and just checkout the stuffs there. There were small entrepreneurs who sells different kind of sorts. I never really had the leisure to check it out, because I have the implication that there was nothing really valuable to see there.

Not today though. For the past few weeks I've had the inclination to check out places despite of how they seem on the outside. It happened one time while I was walking around the corner that I realized that we really had good quaint stores waiting to be checked out. This kind of revelation appeals on my explorer self, so I gave it a chance.

So what I did today was check out the surplus stores, specialty shop, and etc., I had a great time checking them out with new eyes, and honestly despite of the fact that they had been there forever, it felt new to me. It felt like it was an adventure to me.

I was not able to take a camera with me, but I had my journal so I doodled how my little adventure went. I encourage you to be curious enough to check out those quaint boutique, you'll never know what you'll find out.

263: Be brave

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. 

He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 

God, Father, are you listening still? This, I thought while the priest was doing his homily. I found myself not listening to what was the priest was saying but rather, I ended up contemplating my relationship with God.

To be honest, I feel like I slackened when it comes to my relationship with Him compare to how it was back when I was in college. But you have to understand that I was studying in st. Scholastica so my access to God was albeit easy compare to right now. *smacks forehead* okay, that was an excuse. I had too many distractions, too many things to think about that I realized that my relationship with him was no longer the same.

God ...  Please, I need You to give me that strength -- that bravery. The one that You used to give me.  I thought willing God to listen to me.

You may wonder what's the deal with this post, and it's because I've been wanting to do certain things and it has been pushing me back to do them because I was afraid. I could not point out where the irrational fear came from when I wasn't so scared before. It annoys the hell out of me because it limits me from moving around.

I'm not sure if  my fear comes from the fact that I no longer have the same strong relationship that I had with God, or it's because of something else. But I know I just need to have faith--that it will be okay--that God hasn't changed--that He still listens and loves me in spite of everything.