186: Self Loathing is the Way to Wake Up

'Francois Rabelais. He was a poet. And his last words were 'I go to seek a Great Perhaps.' That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeing a Great Perhaps

This book speaks to me so much, just as the previous book that I have read talked to me. I love the concept of being brave and going to a world we are not sure of. Throwing certainty to find adventure, find the treasure we are suppose to find. I read it because it was the kind of life I hope to take (soon!) I really loathe myself at the moment for being a coward.

What I really complain about is the fact that I was nurtured to take the 'careful' steps: to do well in life. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with this kind of upbringing, but then I thought of missed opportunities; of missing what life supposed to be. I mean okay, I'm employed in a well company, earning well. I can't say anything bad to where I am, but then again so what? So is this all what I will be until I left the world?

Does living well in the world all that it takes? Just that? Being employed and working hard? Will I work hard for the next 20 to 30 years of my life? What life is really all about? I just don't find any significance in living just to live. I think we are born to be something else. I just could not ducking figure out what. And this upsets me.

[update] hah, and then I see someone posted this video in my newsfeed. Life, you're talking to me.

185: Elevator Situation Part Une

After a few seconds of waiting the elevator had finally beeped and opened. I went inside hitting the floor button where I intend to go. But when the door was about to close someone called 'wait!'. That voice only belong to that person; That voice whose pitch that could titillate my senses from afar. Even without seeing his face I knew whose voice it was from. I knew just as my heart knew that it should start pounding. 

'Hi!' I greeted almost awkwardly. 

And he stood there smiling sheepishly that had made my head spinning. I swear he knew that he could make my spirit dance a happy jig. 

~ cw

184: The Truth About My Forever ...

©threadsence

Sorry if the past few post had been random and almost blank. For the past of couple of days I find myself unable to express my thoughts, neither can I find a topic to talk about. I felt I was drifting away from myself because my mind was out of proportions.

You see I had laid out plans: All seemingly ~ actually ~ possible to be done, all promising. But I lack of action. I could not act out of fear. I fear that things might not fall on the right place, and I might lose what I cannot afford to lose. So yeah, I was hanging on the edge wanting to jump, but not taking a jump. I have finally had admitted this to myself. I am glad that I took a break for a couple of days and had a self-recollection, of the things I wanted. Now, I have a plan ~ again ~. But this time I'll make a difference: I'll be brave.

 ~

The book that I just finished was Sarah Dessen's the Truth About Forever. I love that book because I could relate so much of the protagnost. I felt like I was reading my story (minus the boys in the book), and it made me think. You should read it. This is one of the books that had made me rethink of my life so I guess that gives you an impression how much I adored it.

That was the thing. You just never knew. Forever was so many different things. It was always changing, it was what everything was really all about. It was twenty minutes, or a hundred years, or just this instant, or any instant I wished would last and last. But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening. Right then, as I ran with Wes into that bright sun, and every moment afterwards. Look, there. Now. Now. Now ~ Sarah Dessen

183: D E C E M B E R | WISH

*sigh* It's that time of the month again when we start being 'conscious' of the things we want. You know, there are a lot of things that I want ~ materially speaking ~ but there's this certain wish that I really want. But you ... what do you want? 

For me, I wish ...

... I wish that I will have the courage to follow my heart.

183: Hello December!

Oh, hi December you came as a surprise!

♥♥♥