186: Self Loathing is the Way to Wake Up

'Francois Rabelais. He was a poet. And his last words were 'I go to seek a Great Perhaps.' That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeing a Great Perhaps

This book speaks to me so much, just as the previous book that I have read talked to me. I love the concept of being brave and going to a world we are not sure of. Throwing certainty to find adventure, find the treasure we are suppose to find. I read it because it was the kind of life I hope to take (soon!) I really loathe myself at the moment for being a coward.

What I really complain about is the fact that I was nurtured to take the 'careful' steps: to do well in life. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with this kind of upbringing, but then I thought of missed opportunities; of missing what life supposed to be. I mean okay, I'm employed in a well company, earning well. I can't say anything bad to where I am, but then again so what? So is this all what I will be until I left the world?

Does living well in the world all that it takes? Just that? Being employed and working hard? Will I work hard for the next 20 to 30 years of my life? What life is really all about? I just don't find any significance in living just to live. I think we are born to be something else. I just could not ducking figure out what. And this upsets me.

[update] hah, and then I see someone posted this video in my newsfeed. Life, you're talking to me.