165: Somewhere Only I Know

A cup of coffee, a quiet night, and Keane's Somewhere Only We Know. I am set to write.

The past few days had been a roller-coaster of emotion for me. I had this certain feeling of wanting to abandon everything. I had this impulse of wanting to pick up my backpack, go somewhere and settle on a place far away from everybody.

I think I just decided to be recluse. I just want to start all over again. New people. New place. I just need to get away from everything.

My friend asked me if I have a problem. I firmly told her that I had none, and that's the truth of it. I had no problem but I just want to get away from where I am. It may have sounded strange to someone but it completely sound sane to me.

So why Do I want to move away?

For one thing, I am incredibly comfortable being alone. I am a loner. I love having all the time for myself writing, thinking, wondering, drawing, cooking, and painting. It's amazing how I can do a lot of things on my own. That's what I hope to have when I move out. Second, I think where I am right now, the people I know, everything that surrounds me controls too much. They get in the way most of the time of my plans. I feel like they are the shackles off my feet. I feel like I am tied adhering to the demands of the world. At least, if I am on my own, I do not have to listen to anyone. I do not have obligations and responsibilities that will nag me. There will be no expectations and no disappointments. I will be my on  my own. I hope it doesn't sound selfish. But it's just that for all of my life, I had always been doing what was expected of me. Doing the stuffs that people want of me. Not the way around. I never had time to do what I want. So, I am longing to do things in my own terms.

I always thought that it must be amazing to be on our own. To build our life the way we always wanted to, unlike living on others dictations. *sigh*. Can I just?

So yes, I wanted to get away ... and I hope that I will be able to carry this out sooner than I expect. ☺

Before I end this entry, I'll leave you this achingly wonderful song: Keane's Somewhere Only We know.

I came across a fallen tree

I felt the branches of it looking at me

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go somewhere only we know?

Somewhere only we know