287: Begin Again

Exactly how many starts should we really make in life? Just last October 24 I have written about 'Starting Again', and right now I am -- yet, again -- writing about 'Starting Again', how just funny is that? Well, for one thing, I am so blessed to have the opportunity to be able to 'start again' because it means I have this time to make up for all the wrong things that I have made, face my shortcomings, and be a better person than I was.

So what exactly is new to me:

1. New role and team in the office

To say, I knew that I wasn't performing at my best on my previous role. I knew that I kept on coming short on my goals, and was always rushing to meet deliverables. There were too many 'I should have done this, done that' when I was on my previous post, and too many self deprecating moments that I lost my confidence on myself.

There was no one to blame but myself. I knew that I kept on coming short because I wasn't trying hard enough. I couldn't figure out why I always feel inadequate: What is it because I don't have enough time? Because I was handling too much? But one thing is for sure: I wasn't really happy. I wish I had done better, I knew I could have been better but I just didn't do better.

What's good is that I was given a new post in a new team. Equipped with my experiences and learnings, this new position is a ticket for me to redeem, and to prove to myself that I am better.

I know I am better now.


2. New Business Idea

Exactly how many papers have I wasted brain storming on my idea? The last time I have written on my Starting Again  I have spent four months searching for a new idea that's feasible for me to execute, and I am glad that I now I have one. To say, I have already progressed, in fact I can imagine how it will look like, and how it will be. I am looking forward to writing about it soon. Well, I will write about it when I have already executed it.

If you want to know why I need to execute this baby project is because  it's also a way for me to defeat this nagging thought that I could not do it. I just want to prove to myself that I am not a 'good at start' type of person, that I can also make an idea come to life.

3. New Personal Development Group

I have attended a recent Millionaire Mind Intensive Seminar. This seminar is a conducted by Harv T. Eker's group. Harv T. Eker, by the way, is a successful author of the Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth. During the seminar, I was able to meet a lot of people that were actually my friends now. One of those people that I met happens to be in the same location as I was so we both decided to invite people who also lives near for a meet up. We thought that it's good for us to keep the positivity, and the energy alive. I am glad that we were able to make the commitment to meet each other in spite of how busy our schedules were.

I am excited to see more people in our future meetings because the reason why we made the group, besides keeping the energy alive, is to share what we have learned in the seminar because it helped us a lot. We all know that we'll be able to help our friends by sharing it with them too. We want to keep a pool of people who would strive to push others to reach their potential, to let them know that there are people out there who would encourage them in spite of how hopeless life may seem. We also want to be the light to others.

So I am excited to see this group grow. I look forward in hearing more positivity, and people cheering for other people's success.

So those are the things that had started in my life. I am blessed to be able to start again because it means that life is not yet over for me, that I still have this chance to make a start, to redeem myself.

The past few failures that I encountered were really defeating to the point that I am starting to question my ability to succeed. But I am glad that due to my continuous personal development reading it taught me to live on values, and one of them is to persevere.

I am not complaining that life knocked me too many times, and too many tears had spilled, because I know that it's just preparing me for a better tomorrow.

284: Start Again.

Wow, 2 months, and 22 days since my last post. I never expected that I would be writing here again soon. But -- well -- I thought that I should after facing some 'dead ends' along my way in this so-called life. I though where-else is the best place to rant, and rave, and feel hopeful again than here in my own blog space? Who knows I may impart some wisdom to others.

Okay so for the past few months, years I have spent my life trying to dip my hands in Entrepreneurship. I've gone through selling stuffs online, joined network marketing, done trading, and recommended buyers for real estate. But for the past few months, I finally have dipped my hands on a real baby project. This baby project will be my first tangible 'small business'.

To say, when I brought up the idea I've had people who are ready to invest. So, knowing that I have support, I've started moving my baby project from idea to writing. However, during consultation, I've come into some 'road-blocks'. There are real life questions thrown at me that I started to doubt if I can really carry out my 'baby' and bring it to fruition: Can I really do it?

To say, that nagging question 'can you really do it?' worked as sledgehammer on my confidence, and courage. That one question totally bothered me all through out my plans that for sometime I've ended up almost abandoning the idea. The fear or failure, and not being able to meet the expectation of my investors had troubled me.

I couldn't move. They say that over thinking results to paralysis, and it does. Since I do not want to be bothered by that nagging question I ended up succumbing to a habit that's not really helpful such as binge reading on romance novels (guilty pleasure!), oversleeping, and procrastinating. These bad habits had become a morphine that allowed me to block this one tough question (among a lot of them to come when I go from writing phase to building phase).

However, yesterday while listening to the accomplishments of my friends, and how others had 'arrived' to a new phase of their life, made me feel coward. I thought that I also wanted to reach some milestones and share it with my friends, therefore, I need to break this addiction of morphia. It's either I keep on cowering, or face them.

So how do I 'start again', first I think it's important to confront myself -- hence this entry -- and admitting that I've had a bad addiction. Second, it's revisiting my 'to do' list, and going back again on what I want to accomplish in long term.Third, it's to focus, and act.

*sigh* It's not too late to start again, anyway. I pray for more courage, strength, and faith this time. Amen.

199: Singapore Trip (Part 1): a Renewed Hope and the Power of Decision

Do you ever believe about the "connecting the dots"? Steve Jobs talked about it, and even though I haven't heard it from Steve Jobs, I have experienced it. There was a certain event in my life during college that suddenly made me realize that the reason I got into that situation is because it prepared me for a wonderful ending. 

I strongly believe that what's happening in our life has a value eventually. Even the smallest thing that we've decided on, the reason why we are where we are right now is because it means something eventually. Yes, we can't understand it yet but I believe we just need to believe that God has a plan for us. And we just need to believe that it has a reason why it happened, why it's happening. 

One of the things that I hold dear in my life is what God said: 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jer 29:11

and yes, whenever I feel something bad happened to me, or why I am where I am right now is because God has an ultimate plan. 

And this is what I have experienced when I went to Singapore. My trip there was certainly not just to have fun. But to renew the hope that I have in my life. 

I am not exactly a travel enthusiast. I am stingy (and so I have declared many times) and going out of town was certainly not something of an essential. Maybe I'd do it if I have extra few cash, but due to my wonderful, persistent sister she told me to take the trip. And I did, I thought why not [?] maybe it's just the right time to indulge myself despite the expenses. 

Going in Singapore was not just a trip but it had taught me a few valuable wisdoms, and one of which is the power of decision. I was doing a high intensity interval training (watch the sample: here) and despite my doubt that I can finish the whole training without cheating, I told myself that I'll do it. No matter what the cost. No matter how long, I'll finish it.

And I did. It was tough, but since from the beginning that I took the workout I have decided that I will finish it. The push up + superman push up (part) was tough and my muscles were tired. I wanted to quit but because of my decision that I will finish the damn work out, I pushed forward. Also, I kept shouting "PUSHHHHH!!!!", "No Quitting!", "I can do this" every time I feel like quitting. It sounded silly, but if I didn't chant those things I would have relent on my emotions. Plus, the fact that my sister had been very supportive, helped me not to quit.

During that time, during on my trainings I kept conditioning my mind that I can finish the workout, and I kept reminding myself about the decision that I made. It helped and taught me that I can do things if I just put my mind on it. 

So my dear readers, I wish the same thing for you. If you wanted to change your life do it. Make that change. Decide that THIS IS WHAT you want to happen!

Before I signed this entry, I'm leaving you this song: Titanium by Sia (feat. David Guetta) just because the lyrics inspires the hell out of me during my training.

You shout it out, 

But I can't hear a word you say 

I'm talking loud not saying much 

I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet 

You shoot me down, but I get up 

 I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose 

Fire away, fire away 

Ricochet, you take your aim 

Fire away, fire away 

You shoot me down 

but I won't fall I am titanium

Next: Singapore Trip (Part 2): a Realization

179: Inhaling a Lungful of Air

Hello dear fellow readers!

If you want me to be honest at this moment I feel hopeless. I know, I know entertaining this emotion is simply so contradictory of my so-called 'better-future project' but you know honestly, it's okay. I think it's okay to back down once in a while, to say that yes I'm human I can feel that sense of incredible hopelessness, that bleakness that seem to envelope me at the moment, that frustration and painful reminder that nothing has been happening to my plans. It's okay, because we are humans. I am a human. It's okay to feel. It's okay to embrace and acknowledge emotions. 

But you know in this moment even though I think nothing has been happening, that I think I haven't gotten there, that nothing has been happening, I'm not stopping. Yes, I am wallowing in this negative emotion but not to stop me from pursuing my dreams but to re-think of my strategy. 

While thinking about how I allowed myself to feel, it reminded me of how I felt when I climbed the mountain last month. During my climb, despite of how much I wanted to reach the destination in hurry I felt that need to stop. And you know it's fine. I thought I don't need to reach the top in a hurry. It will take time but I'll reach it if I just continue. So yes I allowed myself to take a rest, to relax, and allow myself to recuperate for a minute. But I did not stop. I continued until I got to the top.

And at this moment, this is what I am doing. There's no way I am backing down. I'm taking a lungful of air for a moment but I'll proceed.

To Perseverance, 

177: Doing an Extra Step!

original post

The past few weeks had really been a great challenge for me. For one thing, I have to design the interior for our event. And for another, the time allotted for me to work and the budget that's a little limited was honestly daunting.  Since the event was the first time for two teams to be together, I challenge myself to go way beyond "okay". I thought about wanderrgirl's 'Note to Self': Not settling for something good while I was brainstorming, I told myself that since I am the lead for the comms/marketing I might as well take the extra step. This is when I started juggling the thought if I could really do it even if I have too many responsibilities in my real role at work. 

The only solution that I could think about was that I could allocate some time. I thought that if my work starts at 8PM I could come at 6PM so I could start working on the decorations and not compromise my working schedule. Honestly, it was HARD. haha! I arrive home every 7:30AM, then I have to wake up around 2PM so I could arrive at 6PM in the office. But despite the sacrifices I have to say that I did enjoy every minute of working. 

So for three weeks of working on the decorations, for three weeks of not having a decent sleep I was glad it paid off very well. I am glad that I have added beauty to the event, that I did not only become a part of the gathering but participated to bring life and color in the party. I was involved.

Remember my post about "What can you do to help someone next to you?", this is it. I helped even on the simplest thing as decorating, and was fulfilling. Extending a hand without regrets, without demands, and just doing it for sheer happiness it can brought to people was an incredible, amazing feeling.

You know, just to end this a friend of mine asked me why I was doing it, she asked "eh, you're not being paid doing that why did you accept the task? Now, you're biting off more than you can chew. Give it to someone else." 

Maybe it was my being ADHD or the fact that I am sort of a masochist that made me say, "On contrary, I actually enjoy it." But whatever it is I felt the resonating honesty (in my answer) deep within my soul. 

To constantly helping,

175: Making My Dreams Come True

Dreams. 

You know for the past few weeks that I have been reading Put Your Dreams to the Test it had inspired me to find courage in executing my dreams, albeit baby steps. When I go through the "dream test" (a self reflection questions regarding our dreams) page I think deep within myself and face all the facts. You know thinking about my dreams made me question 'why is it that it's so hard to put my dreams into reality?'. I have drilled down confronting myself why is it so hard? I have come up with reasons such as the following:

1. I do not know how to get there
2. I do not have the sufficient funds to finance my dreams
3. I tend to delay
4. It's not yet the time
5. I'm busy
6. Doubt
7. Doubt 
8. Doubt

I've repeated the 'doubt' because honestly, it was one of the things that had been mocking me every time I dream big. It seems like every time I say my dreams a self-mocking ghost would appear before me and say 'Who are you to dream so big?' or 'Oh come on you've got to be kidding!'. Then it would make me re-assess everything, then I'd delay and find excuses not to progress. 

Then, I had started praying. They say that God could change us. So I prayed. I prayed because I need some help. I told God to 'Provide me the courage to make my dreams come true' and my prayers were granted. I don't know, it's just one day I had that feeling of being ready to take chance. Now, I am ready to accept the challenges that will come my way because I no longer feel afraid. I kept on thinking and praying and convincing myself to take a chance and now I am taking the chance.

So yes, Eleanor Roosevelt I believe in the beauty of my dreams and I believe one day I could see it right infront of me. I am ready to see it blossom.

And to you my faceless readers, I hope one day you'll also find the courage to make your dreams a reality baby steps or whatnot! Let's talk send me an email or comment on this entry. :)

To Making My Dreams Come True!

173: I'm not Quitting!!

Book: "What are you passionate about? What is something that you do everyday that you do not need to exert effort, that comes so naturally?"
Me: er ... I do not know.

This is where frustration starts. All through out my younger days I always rely to my parents with what I have to do. They decide what's best for me or suggest what's best for me ... until I get to this point that I keep on depending on someone's decision, or waiting for a decision to fall on my lap. But you know when I realize this, I started sorting out my life and little by little I am starting to understand myself. 

If there's anything that I am really struggling about it's finding my sense of purpose. I really believe that we are born because we play a significant role in this world, and we are born with a talent that God had given us. This God given talent is what I have been looking for. In this moment of my life, I have a mission to find what God gave to me, and I am looking for them. 

Sometimes I am beckoned by the thought of just giving up and just go with the flow. But in the end of the day, I just could not settle on the thought of settling and doing what was expected of me. I want to live in this life living what I am passionate about. So, you know, I thought even though it's going to take me years and hell to find my passion I won't stop. Besides, I have nothing to lose right?

To Not Quitting!

168: Holding On to His Promise

For the past few days I have exhausted my time trying to hone my skills in drawing, writing, and watercoloring. Spending time trying to be better in this area is just fulfilling. Though, I must admit that I had ups and downs, hits and miss. Sometimes I get incredibly impatient and frustrated because I don't get the outcome I was expecting, but I believe if I just continue practicing, I will eventually excel in them.

So in order for me to be better in them I thought that I'd practice every week, as long as my time permits. Then, learn from the expert by joining workshops or enrolling myself in a short class. ✔

Anyway, for the past few days I have been a recluse. I find it very calming because it gave me time to think about what I want to happen in my life for the next few years. I'm telling you, I am a perpetual thinking machine. I love ideas, thoughts, and plans. So, during my time of being alone I was able to contemplate and really thought about my life. I must say that thinking about my life and my life in the future took my emotions in different levels. It was all a mixture of sadness, frustration, excitement, and longing.

But even though I had felt sad, I focused on what I could achieve few years from now and it made me excited. I thought that if I just continue doing what I am doing, be good at what I do, remain faithful, keep the attitude, and trust God that He has wonderful plans laid out for me, the future will be good.

* HAHA, you know what ... up until now, I still have that feeling ... that mixture of feeling of longing of life, of the sense of hope for a better future, but I don't know maybe it's because of where I am right now, or maybe because I am just so frustrated with my artworks, or maybe it's because I'm PMSing ... but it's okay, this will pass. Emotions is a passing moment, it will eventually be gone.

what I had been doing, practicing drawing and drooling over Robert Downey Jr.
Sorry for the sucky phone camera.