286: Outgrowing the Jeans, Tshirt, and Sneakers

That's me back 2012 (in white shirt), and that's me on my friend's wedding reception last Sunday (I did my hair and make up by the way). All through out my life I am more of a tomboy than a girly-girl, maybe it's because I had grown up surrounded by my brother's friends that made me no clue how to act like a girl. I had hope that I'd figure things out if I grow up, however during my highschool and college days I had hormonal acne, and with weight problems that caused me to have a low self-esteem.

I never really bothered to learn about make-up, and fashion because of my low self-esteem, and I was comfortable being boyish. However, right now there's a certain 'want' inside of me that wanted to outgrow the jeans, sneakers, and t-shirts.

Hence, I started buying books, consulting pinterest, and watching youtube videos for tutorials. I still feel puzzled when faced with choices of clothes, and make ups, but I am actually having fun learning them.

I am also glad that my friends helped me when I go shopping. They help me mix and match, and figure what make up works best for me. They even share recommendations, and were honest to say what's bargain, and what looks good on me. I thought if I just do things on my own it would be tough, and it's handy to have a very supporting friends.

If there's anything that I have learned, I guess we have our own pace to break free from our 'shell' to be the person that we wanted to be, and we just need to be patient to wait for that right time. Additionally, it never pains to be humble enough to ask for assistance from your friends. :)

221: a Bag of Mixed Beans: Instagram, and a pint of vent

1. Paroxysm of Rage - This watercoloring I've painted borne out of frustration. I find watercoloring a good venting method to alleviate some of my pent up emotions. It's not so much but I'm quite happy of the outcome.
2. You should be here! - Man, I had this back when I was in Singapore attending the Millionaire Bootcamp, that's my ID lace. I miss the environment there, I miss the people, the energy, the mentors. Man, truly one of the best bootcamp ever.
3. A Mix of Curry - I had one of the best curry in Singapore. We ate in the local Indian restaurant, and as much as the smell nauseates me, I did enjoy it. I didn't have much rice, but substituted prata bread instead but I'm telling you even though I didn't have much rice I feel very heavy afterwards.
4.  Synergy - That's the people I spent time with. I was in the extreme left standing next to my wonderful sister. I miss these people.
5. Nananana #Ironman - Look at my cute-sy Ironman flashdrive. Very nerdy, isn't it?
6. My Decision - That yellow badge that I got in the Millionaire bootcamp is my decision. You might be wondering what decision it is, but this decision I took is the commitment that I made that I chose to be successful in the endeavor that I took. 

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For the past few days I had been a little bit of a mixed up. Mixed up because I finally found what I want to do in my life but sometimes, sometimes I cannot help but also second-guess myself. I know I've been rallying on being optimist, and fighting for what we want in life but sometimes reality just keeps on knocking on my head to be realistic.

But honestly, I've been rolling my eyes when I hear about being realistic because seriously as Will Smith shared that 'being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity'. So you know, it makes me ill to think of not pursuing my goals because of my shortcomings or because of some lame excuses because I just can't. I can't just live my life not being able to carry out my goals, because I have to be realistic. ugh.

To tell you honestly, I'm not sure how I can work it out, but I really have faith. I have faith in my God, in Laws of Attraction, in the power of decision that I made ... so whatever, I swear, it will work out. ✌

196: the 24 Lists of Curious Improvement

HORRAY!  I'm twenty four! I just celebrated my twenty fourth birthday yesterday. And as much as I was eager to start celebrating my 24th birthday, I am excited to commit myself with my 24 Lists of Curious Improvement.

To say, I've been wanting to do something of an essential -- an improvement on myself. I thought why not give myself a year to track all the improvements that I wanted to do to myself? Hence, my 24 lists. I am crossing my fingers that I will be able to do them all, since 24 seems like a huge number. But I'm taking this as a commitment and I am going to do all my best get to get it completed (darn, I hope I don't sound like I am convincing myself *laughs*).

So here are the things that I want to accomplish before my 25th.

1. Improve fashion style (wear more dress?) - done
2. Learn how to do make up 
3. Paint 24 portraits
4. Get my hair styled
5. Make my own accessories
6. Learn how to do lettering
7. Make 1 font out of lettering
8. Learn how to improve blog design and create (share it to people).
9. Learn how to silk screen print
10. Make my own t-shirt design
11. Make my own shorts
12. Get my passport some stamp - done
13. Read 100 books on Personality Development (marketing, sales, relationship, leadership, wealth, communication skills, etc,.)
• The Unemployed Millionaire - Matt Morris 
• Screw it, Let's Do It - Richard Branson
• Questions are the Answers - Allan Pease
• Awaken the Giant Within - Anthony Robbins (Currently Reading)
14. Write on my journal every week.
15. Blog twice a week
16. Decrease CC debt to 100%
17. Increase savings to 50%
18. Make and Sell something online
19. Learn how to speak french
20. Learn how to walk with 3 inch heels
21. Lose 10lbs
22. Surprise my parents with a treat
23. More Photography
24. Have a DIY project

*phew* quite a list, eh?! I'm excited to start and accomplish them. Cross your fingers for me my friend.

So you, have you ever planned something and tracked it and see it accomplished? Share your story! :)

194: On Encouraging People

A lot of things had happened. But first and foremost, I realized that I haven't lived on my blog's title. Curious Weekends, yeah not curious enough. The content that is strangely lacking about curiousness. But I still have time to make up on it. Anyway, if you wonder why I have named my blog Curious Weekend it's because the original intent that I have for this blog is really to indulge on things that I am curious about. Well, curious on doing things and I wanted to share it with you. But apparently, I haven't. But again I still have a chance to start again.

▲ △ ▲

For the past few days that I have been reading about entrepreneurship and sales there's something I have come to realized about myself and it's the fact that I have a low self-esteem.

During the time that I was doing a self-reflection, I was reduced to being immobile and depressed. I could not function well for the last few weekends because all I could really dwell on about is how much I feel unworthy I am on things. Maybe it's because of how I was brought up. I do not want to go down on the road of giving a full details on how I was brought up, but to give a little information, my parents hadn't been very encouraging. So yeah, most of the time I feel not good enough on things that I do.

I do not blame my parents for this, because they had been amazing to us. They were not perfect by any means. I guess not being encouraging was one of their flaws. But you know, I do not want to hold on to that. If right now the reason why I feel like if I got involved myself with entrepreneurship and I won't succeed is because if I feel like I do not deserve people's support, then it has to change. I have to change my thinking pattern.

Honestly, I thought it was just easy ... but changing my thought pattern is a challenge. It takes an external and internal support.

I opened this up to my sister, and my wonderful - loving - kind sister is wonderful enough to help me to change.

You know, this is the reason why I told myself to encourage people. I realized that encouraging can change people's lives, and it has so much impact (to their lives). If we think we know someone who wanted to do something but doesn't have enough confidence to pursue it, then let's give them that push to do it because sometimes they just need someone to tell them that they will be fine and they will do great.

You know maybe if we lived on world with less criticism and full of love and support we could have been people with amazing potentials.

Before I end this entry, I'm leaving you with this song by Snow Patrol 'Run' because it fits this entry so much.

  Light up, light up  As if you have a choice   Even if you cannot hear my voice  I'll be right beside you dear To spreading support,

177: Doing an Extra Step!

original post

The past few weeks had really been a great challenge for me. For one thing, I have to design the interior for our event. And for another, the time allotted for me to work and the budget that's a little limited was honestly daunting.  Since the event was the first time for two teams to be together, I challenge myself to go way beyond "okay". I thought about wanderrgirl's 'Note to Self': Not settling for something good while I was brainstorming, I told myself that since I am the lead for the comms/marketing I might as well take the extra step. This is when I started juggling the thought if I could really do it even if I have too many responsibilities in my real role at work. 

The only solution that I could think about was that I could allocate some time. I thought that if my work starts at 8PM I could come at 6PM so I could start working on the decorations and not compromise my working schedule. Honestly, it was HARD. haha! I arrive home every 7:30AM, then I have to wake up around 2PM so I could arrive at 6PM in the office. But despite the sacrifices I have to say that I did enjoy every minute of working. 

So for three weeks of working on the decorations, for three weeks of not having a decent sleep I was glad it paid off very well. I am glad that I have added beauty to the event, that I did not only become a part of the gathering but participated to bring life and color in the party. I was involved.

Remember my post about "What can you do to help someone next to you?", this is it. I helped even on the simplest thing as decorating, and was fulfilling. Extending a hand without regrets, without demands, and just doing it for sheer happiness it can brought to people was an incredible, amazing feeling.

You know, just to end this a friend of mine asked me why I was doing it, she asked "eh, you're not being paid doing that why did you accept the task? Now, you're biting off more than you can chew. Give it to someone else." 

Maybe it was my being ADHD or the fact that I am sort of a masochist that made me say, "On contrary, I actually enjoy it." But whatever it is I felt the resonating honesty (in my answer) deep within my soul. 

To constantly helping,

175: Making My Dreams Come True

Dreams. 

You know for the past few weeks that I have been reading Put Your Dreams to the Test it had inspired me to find courage in executing my dreams, albeit baby steps. When I go through the "dream test" (a self reflection questions regarding our dreams) page I think deep within myself and face all the facts. You know thinking about my dreams made me question 'why is it that it's so hard to put my dreams into reality?'. I have drilled down confronting myself why is it so hard? I have come up with reasons such as the following:

1. I do not know how to get there
2. I do not have the sufficient funds to finance my dreams
3. I tend to delay
4. It's not yet the time
5. I'm busy
6. Doubt
7. Doubt 
8. Doubt

I've repeated the 'doubt' because honestly, it was one of the things that had been mocking me every time I dream big. It seems like every time I say my dreams a self-mocking ghost would appear before me and say 'Who are you to dream so big?' or 'Oh come on you've got to be kidding!'. Then it would make me re-assess everything, then I'd delay and find excuses not to progress. 

Then, I had started praying. They say that God could change us. So I prayed. I prayed because I need some help. I told God to 'Provide me the courage to make my dreams come true' and my prayers were granted. I don't know, it's just one day I had that feeling of being ready to take chance. Now, I am ready to accept the challenges that will come my way because I no longer feel afraid. I kept on thinking and praying and convincing myself to take a chance and now I am taking the chance.

So yes, Eleanor Roosevelt I believe in the beauty of my dreams and I believe one day I could see it right infront of me. I am ready to see it blossom.

And to you my faceless readers, I hope one day you'll also find the courage to make your dreams a reality baby steps or whatnot! Let's talk send me an email or comment on this entry. :)

To Making My Dreams Come True!

174: a Reality Slap

Lately, life has been rubbing reality in my face. LOL. I mean literally. It's like life writes down all the things I have to deal with then BAM rubs the paper on my face so I could take in what I have to face in order to be a better person (or be the person I wanted to be). Then life would ask me if I still want to take the challenge. 

1. If you want to get there you have to sacrifice something.

Like what I have said before I have been reading John Maxwell's Put Your Dreams to the Test and I am currently in the chapter where in it talks about the 'Prices we have to pay for our Dreams'. I knew about this even before, heard about it all through my life. But even though I have heard about it, I was not able to take it seriously. I mean, why does it go that way? Is it really necessary to go through that kind of challenge in order to succeed? Can we not at least compromise? I had the mantra that maybe I can go through the road less traveled unscathed. But now I have come to face the fact that yes there are sacrifices I have to do in order to get there. Maybe I never thought about the sacrifices I have to do, but now ... it becomes more real when I got to that point when I realized that I have to do that in order to get that. 

2. Some people you love won't be so supportive.

Let's face it: YES this is a painful reality, but it's true. I told my parents that I wanted to give up my career in order to hone my artistic skills, but I did not get the support I thought I'd get. They are scared that my plans might not work and I would eventually fail. I re-assured them that it's okay for me, that I'd rather fail ... but they are very insistent that maybe I could just pursue my artistic skills part time. I did not want to cause them pain but I could see in their eyes how disappointed they are every time I mention about giving up my career for my passion. I'll always get their disapproval until ~ maybe ~ I become successful. Earning through the means of my passion. Until then they are not going to allow me to give up huge things, such as my career.

3. Going through the uncomfortable zones

I'm not exactly very extrovert. I'm not a sales person. I'd rather be inside my room than spend my time trying to sell my ideas to others ... these are the attitudes that I need to improve upon when I laid down what I wanted to do. It made me feel nauseous when I realize that I have to deal with those if I wanted to pursue my ideas. I have to take the risk of being rejected, of being laughed at, of people ridiculing my ideas, of people not believing in my capabilities ... I have to admit that it's going to be painful for me. I might not even take the blow. But it's the only way to make my dreams a reality.

When I read John Maxwell's book it made me realize why there are only few people who becomes the person they wanted to be. There are a lot of personal battles to win that sometimes we are not willing to take thus sometimes some people just give up or settle down where they are. 

I'm already in that phase of embracing the uncomfortable zone. It's taking mental and emotional preparation and acceptance since it's a personal battle. I do not want to give up along way despite the challenges. I'm telling you it's a tough battle because I have certain attitudes that I need to break. It's a painful adjustment. But I really believe it's worth it. I just hold on to God to be with me always.

Let's talk if you are going through the same experience! Comment or send me an email. :)

163: What do you want?

Have you thought about what you really want?

It's saddening that sometimes we are forced to do or live with what's practical than what we really love. I am not exempted of this, for I also live with the fact that I am doing something that was expected of me rather than of what my heart really desires. It's saddening and depressing. I wish I had taken a different path and was brave enough to stand on my passion. But I certainly believe that it's not too late. I am still clinging to my hope that I will be able to execute my plans one day.

But now, despite of the fact that I am not where I hope I am ... I'll live doing it (my passions), continue practicing until I have built a strong foundation that I can travel that path where I want to be. 

Anyway, besides that it has been raining quite horribly for the past few hours and it's really really frightening. I pray that the rain to stop pouring. Stay safe and dry everyone!

*sniff,* go away rain

160: I am not stopping!

Almost failed to post today. If there's a reason why I am going to fail to post today is the fact that I am feeling depressed and frustrated. *sigh* What's depressing at the moment is the fact that my projects that I have been proposing to people I know seems to be unaccepted. I mean, the thing is I have been sharing to them the ideas that I have ... yet they are somehow turned down. Or if not turned down, they were left hanging. They agree, yet no action was taken. I feel bereft and definitely scattered, because I am clinging to my ideas and hope but I don't know how I could ever start. I could not identify what I am missing. There's something wrong within my strategy as to why my ideas keep on falling apart. 

If you want to know no ... I haven't given up on my ideas yet. I just have a hard time executing them rightly. There's something wrong with what I am doing or with the actions that I have taken or with my plans. All of these challenges might be taking my time but I believe that despite the fact that I couldn't act fast, or I couldn't execute my ideas as fast as others, I know the struggles will be worth it. Besides, if I continue doing it ... I know I will attract all the things that I need. Then, everything will fall into the right place.

To perseverance!