Saturday, September 17, 2011

82: Life rant: Beginning a new chapter as a woman.

I don't know how many times I have ranted how I wanted to change. But I am pretty sure that I have blogged about it once, twice, or thrice already. I had unceasingly mentioned that I wanted to change. I want to change how I dress and how I act. I wouldn't say that it's not a struggle because it was a struggle. Coming out of my comfort zone was hard because I had to battle the things that I was already used to. I have grown to what I had been so things that I do already come unconscious.

For 20 years, I have never really cared about how I look. I was not fashionably inclined. It never bothers me that I wear the same things over and over again; or I'm fine with a sneakers, jeans, and a comfy shirt. But I realized that it cannot be the same case forever.

I think I just came to a certain point in my life where in I realized that I cannot be the same person for the next years to come. I had never bothered to buy a dress, never bothered to put a make-up, never bothered to buy accessories, etc., but I realized after watching few shows, movies, and reading about woman things how much I wanted to look like a woman; to act like a woman.

With few inspirations I realized how much I wanted to "blossom". I never understood how woman spend their money buying clothes, going gaga over shoes, pampering to look better because I never felt the same craving. But now I understood how unimaginably it feels so good when I indulge myself to look better.

It was not vanity; but just the fact that I wanted to look better.

People I know teases me for outgrowing my old self. They realized that my facade as a nerd/tomboy was slowly changing -- slowly ending. They now see me beginning my new chapter as a woman.

Change is a work. It's a constant battle of what I have been and of what I want to be. But with determination and with constant reminder of what I wanted, made me guarantee myself that I will succeed in changing.

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